Monday, June 21, 2010

Chapter 8: Three families, one table @ 11:13 PM

 I was feeling great about the dinner plans with Justin. I mean my family having dinner with Justin, his mother and his crew..that was a dream to a lot of girls, right?
 Anyway, I showed Justin the whole town, we talked a lot and I told him everything I wanted. Everything from the fair beginning, including that I wanted to be an actress. Actually, when I told him that he wanted me to play something.
 "Let me see you acting. Climb up there and say something.", he said pointing at a bench and I did it.
 "Ladies and...and...and..(crash in the system) gentlemen. I am proud to tell you that (proud voice) I'm here with Justin Bieber and he eats a lot of candyy (clown voice)."
 Justin cracked up laughing really hard as I did that because I said it really loud and people were watching us.
 "You're nuts.", he said still laughing at what I just had done.
 Time rolled by really fast. It was 6pm so we separated. I went home, changed and went to see what my mother had cooked for the special dinner with Justin.
 "Hey, Mom. Whay have you cooked for tonight?"
 "You said Justin loves spaghetti and you love spaghetti too, so I made..guess what?"
 "Mom, that was lame.", I said laughing.
 "Go see if the table is ready hun."
 "Okay, Mom"
 So I went to check if everything was alright. Well, it was but there were more dishes at the table than they should have been.
 "Mom, why are so many dishes at the table? Are we expecting someone else?", I said worrying about the answer.
 "Mat's family is coming over too, remember?"
 That was the answer I was afraid to hear! Why tonight? Why? Mat was surely going to get jealous and say something stupid and this was going to be my first time meeting Justin's Mom & crew. I was trying to think of a way to keep Justin and Mat away when the bell rang and my thoughts were interrupted by Mom's voice.
 "Ina, go open the door!", she shouted.
 "Okay, okay, just stop shouting!"
 I went hoping it was Justin so I could tell him about Mat's family coming over but it was Mat and his mother.
 "Hello, welcome.", I said with a smile on my face.
 "Hey hun", Mat said, grabbed me by the waist and started kissing me.
 What was that for? I got confused but his mother saved me.
 "Mat, do you really have to do such things like that?"
 "What do you mean?", he asked apperantly not willing to stop.
 "Whatever. Um, where's your Dad?"
 "John's been called from work. He'll be away for a week.", Mat's mother, Nancy, told me.
 I led them to the dinning room and as I expected when Mat saw so many dishes he got nervous.
 "Is somebody else coming?", he asked me as we sat down.
 "Yes, Justin with his mother and some people from his crew, his manager and Kenny. I hope it's okay?"
 "Of course it's okay.", his Mom said and smiled.
 Then Mat started kissing me again. It was about two minutes when the door bell rang again. I tried to pull away but Mat wouldn't let me.
 "Mat, I have to open the door.", I said.
 He then let me go and I ran being so happy and excited. I bet Mat saw that and got a little angry. Anyway, I couldn't bother about that so I just went and opened the door.
 "Oh my gash! Justin's Mom is so beautiful!!", I thought I was thinking but obviously I've said that out loud.
 Well, it took me some time to figure out what I've just done. Justin laughed, his Mom & the others just smiled.
 "Thank you", Pattie said.
 "Ah, I'm sorry. I thought I was thinking that but obviously I wasn't. Anyway, you're really beaufitul, Mrs Pattie", I said and to be honest, I was really stunned.
 I said hi to the others and had a little chat with everyone and then I led them to the dinning room. You know, the usual things happened when people meet each other for the first time: "Hello", "Nice to meet you", "How are you", etc.
 The good part started when Mom served the dinner.
 Everyone talked and laughed. Justin got a spaghetti stain on his T-shirt and I laughed a lot at that. Actually my mother, Pattie and Nancy got on really well and were talking almost the whole night. And Mat wasn't causing any scenes. Well, not at first.
 We were just having desert and Justin wanted to say something.
 "Can I just..people!", he had to raise his voice a little so everyone could hear him, "can I say something?"
 Everyone in the room stopped talking and stared at Justin. I was actually going mad in my mind what he was about to say.
 "So, you all know why I am here today. Ina is a girl with talent. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the opportunity to show it and luckily, I won't be in peace til she gets that opportunity. But beyond that talent, there's a great personality. And I'd like to make a toast about the sweetness in those gorgeous brown eyes."
 The sound of glasses knocking slightly went over the room but I was so amazed by what Justin said and more important, so touched that I just couldn't stand and say nothing.
 "And the next toast, of course, will be for Justin. I sent a video to that guy thinking he won't ever notice me, but I just knew I had to show him what he has done for me with his music. And that guy turned out to be amazing and to be able to make my world even more lighter than before. Thank you" and while saying "Thank you" I hugged him really tight.
 Of all that noise of the glasses I've forgotten about Mat and I guess he has gotten a bit angry.
 "Can I see you in your room?", he whispered in my ear.
 We both excused ourselves (let's stick to the good manners) and went to my room.
 "Okay, what was that?", now he was angry.
 "What was what?", I really wanted to just avvoied all that which was coming.
 "I know you're a good actress too, but don't try to act me. Those speeches and hugs, come on!"
 "You really don't have to be getting so angry about that. That was politeness."
 "Yeah, right... more like love to me."
 "Come on! Are you even listening to yourself?", I said though I really wanted to say "That was really stupid of you to say."
 "Seriously, tell me if you wanna be with Mr Superstar."
 "Seriously!", this was just really stupid but anyway, "Listen to yourself! I love you, remember? Or that sentence is just somewhere hidden in you, waiting for you to find it again and remember what it means?", I got him saying that but really, what was he thinking?
 "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm overreacing and being jealous for nothing. Come here, I'll apologize."
 Guess how he apologized? We kissed. Well, more like made out. But anyway, I felt a little weird. I mean, was that our first fight or wasn't it? What I'm trying to say is that it didn't seem to be a real fight, we made up a minute later but it has to be still counted as a fight. Oh, I don't know. That confused me. Important thing was we weren't fighting for too long and his kisses still had the same effect on me.
 The rest of the evening also went smooth. Everyone joked and everyone was happy.
 Mat and his Mom left earlier but that was a good thing because Mat didn't get to see Justin kissing me on the cheek for goodbye. It would have been a disaster. Mat could have got mad about it.
 And I said that the fight with Mat got me confused but I guess I haven't been aware what confusion was then. Because when I tried to fall asleep that night I couldn't stop thinking about that "goodbye kiss" Justin gave me. He said those words about me being talented, having a great personality and that comment on my brown eyes. And now kissing me for goodbye. Yes, it was on the cheek but still it was considered a kiss, right?

Friday, June 11, 2010

Chapter 7: Seriously, this doesn't need a title! @ 5:11 PM

 I believe I don't have to say how I felt while Mat and I were kissing. You all know that I've got butterflies in my stomach and I knew how to fly then. So let me tell you what happened next.
 "I love you", I said first after pulling away from the kiss.
 Mat just hugged me tight and said "I love you too."
 And then we started speed talking. Mat started it!
 "So we share this place now?"
 "Yes, I guess.. we do."
 "It gotta has a name then."
 "It already has a name."
 "Yeah? What's it?"
 "Candyland"
 "What? Why?"
 "'Cause candy is my friend?"
 "Ha, you're good. It rhymes."
 "I know, thanks."
 Then there was a silence for a minute or so.
 "I gotta call Mom", Mat broke it.
 "Why?"
 "I call Mom, tell her we gotta be having dinner with your mother and granny tonight, she calls your Mom and invites you all, then at dinner we tell them."
 "Clever."
 "Thanks", he put that playful look of his and I hated that.
 "Aaah, come on!"
 "What?"
 "The look...change it!"
 "Haha, okay."
 Then he called his mother and told her out families are having dinner together tonight. She was confused, I bet, but went with it. And just 10 minutes later my phone rang.
 "Sup, Mom?", I said obviously sounding happy.
 "Wow, I called you half an hour earlier and there was such sadness in your voice."
 "I know."
 "You're a strange kid."
 "I know."
 "Hah, anyway Mat's Mom just called that we're having dinner tonight at their place. Apperantly, Mat had called to tell her leaving the details."
 "Yeah, okay. I'll be there."
 "What you mean you'll be there?"
 "I'll come over to get some clothes and I'll come to Nadies' again. I can, can't I?"
 "Ooohh, okay."
 "Bye, Mom."
 "Bye, take care."
 I looked at Mat and smiled. So we were going to appear there together and everyone will get confused. It was a good plan...like all my plans were.
 When I went to get some clothes from home, Mom wasn't there. And Mat also went to his place. Then we met at Nadie's place and when we told her she freaked out, she jumped and screamed. She also trethened Mat that if he hurts me she's gonna trace him for eternity and take him to hell. But Nadie can actually do that for real!
 Anyway, in the evening Mat and I were getting a little late. Our phones were ringing every minute, but we couldn't bother to pick up. When we got to Mat's house we were hand in hand. Entering the dining room like that turned out to be a funny moment, not confusing as we were planning it. His mother saw our hands on the instant and said;
 "Is it what I think it is?"
 "What? What do you mean?", my Mom, on the hand, didn't notice anything.
 "Yes, Mom, it is.", Mat simply said and then his mother stood and came to hug me.
 Everyone else seemed confused as hell! But after hugging me Mat's Mom, whose name by the way was Nancy, turned and said:
 "Boyfriend and girlfriend.", pointing first at Mat and then at me.
 All the others cheered, hugged me and Mat and the rest of the evening was fun. We talked about a lot of things. Mat and I went to his room to spend some time together. I'd actually been there just once, so it was interesting. I was looking through his stuff, which got him pretty bothered. But then we just kissed, hugged and all that stuff boyfriends and girlfriends do. And that night I went to bed happy.
 It's been almost 2 weeks. I was extremely happy having Mat by my side. He was like the boyfriend every girls dreams to have. He was really nice and sweet to me, maybe overprotective at times...but hey, what's wrong with that?
 Anyway, it was Friday....and as I've already told you I loved Fridays! And of course, my day started ah-mazing, then kept on getting even more and more ah-mazing.
 I woke up in Mat's arms. He stayed the night with me. It was actually the first time he was doing this and we both were really thankful to our parents for trusting us. But that's not important. What matters is the feeling waking up next to the one you love.
 When I opened my eyes I looked up to him and saw that he was already awake.
 "How long have you been awake?", I said sleepy.
 "For about an hour now."
 "You're nuts! Why didn't you wake me up?"
 "How can I wake up an angel?", he said and then kissed me.
 About ten minutes passed and we had to get up and get ready for school. "I could have stayed like this forever. Stuupid school, I hate you." I was thinking while brushing my teeth.
 In school everything was going alright. Actually it was going great! I got my results from the Spanish exam and I'd scored 100%! All classes were great fun and I got to have a real laugh with Nadie in Sports.
 What I didn't know then was that the surprises for the day weren't over yet.
 The last bell for the week rang and I rushed out of the classroom with Mat, Nadie and Kate. I actually started running down the stairs so fast that Mat failed to catch me. I was really really happy that day!!! Finally, Mat cought me just when I was about to get out of the school.
 "Oookay, I really got to practise!"
 "Haha, I'm a beast, right?", I said laughing out loud.
 "Yeah, yeah, my beast."
 We were walking out of school, the others had also cought up with my running. Mat and Kate started talking about the homework for Monday, and I tried to cut them off.
 "Guysss, come on! It's Friday, we have 2 days off and you're talking about...." but just then I cut myself off.
 What I saw just couldn't have been real! But it was...and it took me about a minute to believe my eyes. My mouth has dropped open, I've also had dropped my school bag, my keys, my phone, everything I was holding in my hands.
 Across the street was parked a black Range Rover and Justin Bieber was standing right in front of it. "What theeeeee? You're dreaming! You gotta be! OMGaash, is that for real???" In the next moment I was running in his direction, he saw me and smiled. Justin Bieber smiled at me!!! And when I reached him he hugged me and I hugged him back!
 Millions of thoughts were crossing my mind! There was I hugging Justin Bieber, the boy who I looked up to, the boy whose music helped me through hard moments, whose music helped me to fight for my dreams. How was I gonna tell him everything I wanted in the way I wanted? I couldn't find my words, I couldn't find my thoughts, everything was really messed up and yet felt in place.
 I was just hugging him, he was just hugging me and I could feel he was smiling, which bothered me a little. Wait, why? I don't know. The important part was that he was there. Nothing else mattered.
 When I decided I'd pull away and talk to him, Mat coughed from behind. I thought "Oh, I swear if he gets jealous I'll send Chuck Norris after him!" but I turned and smiled at him. Then back at Justin, who was still smiling.
 "Are you real or just an illusion because I wanted to meet you so badly that I'm going insane now just to pretend I'm hugging you but it was just the air I was hugging seconds ago.", I asked almost forgetting to breathe.
 "Wow, you're really fast.", he laughed "and no, I'm not an illusion, you're perfectly sane."
 "So best day of my life. Nothing sane about that, but why?"
 "Why what?"
 "Why did you come?", he seemed confused, but so was I.
 "I saw the video. Your story is amazing, I was so happy I helped you through so much that I just got to see you. Plus I'm an angel, you know..gotta make people's wishes come true.", he let out a laugh again.
 "Haha, you are an angel.", I gave him my biggest smile ever. And then Mat coughed again. "Uum, Justin..that's Mat, my boyfriend, Nadie, my best friend and Kate, most random person ever."
 "Nice to meet you all, guys. And I hope Mat, you won't get jealous or anything, I don't have such thoughts about your cute girl here.", Justin said to Mat.
 "No, it's okay. She wanted to meet you, it's ok by me.", I could see there was something wrong with Mat's look but I couldn't bother starting drama. Well..Justin kind of did.
 "So, I'm staying for 2 weeks, maybe more. I need a rest and I find your city a cool place. Your whole country is amazing. And there won't be groups of paparazzi following every move of mine. And I'll get to spend some time with you, help you more maybe."
 Now that was AH-MAZING!!! I was so happy I hugged him again. Mat, on the other hand, wasn't so happy but didn't say anything.
 "Where are you staying?", Mat asked.
 "Mat there's only one hotel in the town. What's with the stupid question?", I said a little rude maybe, but I didn't mean to sound like that.
 "Don't fight you two, please. But yeah, I'm staying there."
 Justin was so sweet! I mean, trying to have the situation all cool and trying not to start fights between me and Mat.
 "Okay, so let me drive you all.", finally Justin broke an awkward silence that has set in for a few minutes.
 "Yeah, since you're the one with the car.", everyone laughed at my joke, but to tell you the truth, I didn't find it so funny.
 Anyway, Justin drove us. First, we dropped off Kate. Then as we were on the way to drop Nadie off, it occured to my mind Mat and I had had plans but since Justin was there I couldn't just leave him wandering around the city all alone.
 "Mat, umm, about our plans for today..."
 "What about them?", he knew what I was about to say but still sounded surprised.
 "We have to cancel them. I gotta show Justin the town and stuff. I can't leave him alone on his first day here.", I had this apologetic look on my face while saying it and I really was sorry.
 "Right, whatever."
 "Fuck, why are you so mean? I didn't do anything!!! Why do you have to be such a dumbass, Mat?" that was only crossing my mind, I didn't say it out loud.
 We reached Nadie's location. We hugged, kissed on the cheeks and she was about to go out when Mat said he was going too.
 "But you don't live here.", I tried to make him stay. I didn't want him to feel like...well, the way he was.
 "Whatever, I'll walk home."
 "Yeah, okay", I said looking down, thinking to myself "Thanks a lot Mat. Fyi that hurt."
 Mat went out of the car without giving me a kiss, without saying anything more.
 "Is everything ok?", Justin asked holding my hand.
 "I wish I knew. He's acting so weird, he's jealous and he shouldn't be."
 "It will be fine, I promise.", he smiled and then asked "So, where are you taking me today?"
 "Okay, let's first go to my place so I change and then we'll walk around town and have fun."
 We drove to my apartment and to be honest, when Justin entered my room it was a bit awkward. Posters of him were on my walls..well, not everywhere. I had Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Johnny Depp's ones and many others, but there were like 10 just of Justin. But I guess it didn't bother the real Justin because he just smiled and let out another joke.
 "Great collection of me you got there."
 "Cute, really cute!", I laughed at what he said.
 "Oh, you play the guitar?", Justin asked in amazement when he saw my guitar.
 "Um, I wish I played."
 Then Justin got it and started playing something really nice. Then when I sat next to him, he faced me and started singing. I didn't know the song, it was probably something he wrote, I don't know, but it was really nice. After that I went to the bathroom and changed into my favourite denim shorts and a T-shirt because it was really hot outside.
 When I got back to my room I cought Justin reading my diary and somehow didn't feel mat at him or anything. I just smiled. I was ok with the fact him reading my best friend.
 "So, you named your diary after me or is it another Justin?", he asked playfully.
 "I HATE PLAYFUL LOOKS!" was the first thing to come to my mind but I didn't really mind his.
 "Yeah, I did. I felt you close to me."
 "That's nice. And btw shouldn't you be freaking out about me reading this?", he said showing me the diary like I didn't see it when I entered.
 "That's what I was asking myself. I don't know, I'm ok with that. Anyway, let's go."
 First I showed him where to buy the most amazing ice-cream ever. I was an ice-cream lover, what can I say? Then we walked around, I showed him the main places where he could have fun and we talked about him, about my dream, about everything. Then his phone rang and he talked for about 5 minutes.
 "So, who was it or is it a top secret that I should not know?", I asked because it was scratching me, I wanted to know who he talked to so badly.
 "It was Scooter. He talked to check where I was and when I was going back to the hotel."
 "He is here?", I was a bit surprised and I shouldn't. I mean of course Scooter would be there with Justin.
 "Yeah, and my Mom's here too, and Kenny. We never leave without Kenny and he's a lover when it comes to travelling."
 "Haha, me too. But I've only travelled around Bulgaria."
 The rest of the day was great fun. We talked, we laughed a lot and did silly things. I guess..Justin and I were friends and the feeling was awesome. And we also came to the desicion tonight we should all have dinner together: my family, his Mom, Scooter and Kenny. I was really looking forward to it, knowing that it would be one of my best evenings ever.
 The best part of all, though, was meeting Justin. I really felt blessed. And Justin was really nice and we had great times, considering we knew each other just for a day then. I turned out to be right he was amazing and that we could be great friends.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Chapter 6: Can't hide from him @ 3:10 PM

 It's been a week. After that kiss in Sports class I ran away without saying anything. Mat and I still sat together in classes but whenever he tried to talk to me about what had happened I was ignoring him and as soon as breaks started I was out of the classroom.
 I was scared about what he could say to me. I mean, I never liked Mat for being a player and trying to rip every girls' tongue off and then him talking about loving me would have freaked me out. But hey, he might have wanted to apologize. I didn't know but something deep inside of me was trying to keep him away from me.
 Anyway, it was a sunny Friday and I loved sunny Fridays because on Fridays I have an easy school schedule and it's the last school day of the week. Being sunny just made Fridays even better. I really gotta stop saying Fridays right now, it's annoying you.
 I called Nadie and we got a taxi to school as usual. Yeah, I forgot to tell you... since all that Mat drama I was getting a taxi every day to school because I knew he would be catching the bus. And Nadie and I shared the cost, plus I had someone I can talk to.
 It seemed to be a typical day. My hair wasn't in place, I was wearing jeans and a T-shrit, and a little makeup, and my thoughts wouldn't let me be in peace.
 If I tried to stop thinking about Mat, Justin started bothering me. I haven't been given any sign of him watching my video and I was really upset about that. It was scratching my mind, my heart, my mouth, my nose...everything.
 "Hey, you don't seem ok lately and I'm worried. How can I help you to recover from the drama?", Nadie interrupted my thoughts.
 "Oh, um...I don't know. It's just weird having Mat so concerned."
 "Yeah, I guess. But you gotta stop thinking about that, you gotta talk to him."
 "Whenever I stop thinking, Justin comes up. Plus you can't imagine what it's like when they both start to scartch my mind. It's like it's going to explode. And talk to Mat? I'm afraid."
 I was blessed to have a friend such as Nadie. I could tell her everything in the way I saw it and she won't tell me I'm silly or anything. Well...not as that I'm really silly or stupid.
 "Silly you! You shouldn't be afraid. He likes you and it's obvious. Why are you running away from the truth?"
 "Ah, I wish I knew. I guess, it's just bothering me that he have always been a player, snogging around with every girl..."
 "Yes, but everyone sees the change in him. Well, everyone but you. And you're....", she said but I finished the sentence.
 "the one Mat wants to see it."
 "Exactly, so give him a chance.", she had that sad look as if I didn't give him a chance he would die.
 "I'll think about it.", I said and the rest of the ride there was silence.
 The day moved on to be as usual as always. When I saw Mat coming in the classroom, I went out. And when the first period started he wrote me like tons of notes and I replied none of them. And as soon as the "end of period" bell rang I rushed out.
 Second period, second break, third period and so on. It all went the same.
 When the last, for the day, bell rang I got up but Mat cought my hand. I turned and looked at him. He had that tired and sad look on. After 2 or 3 seconds holing my hand and watching me in the eyes he broke the eye contact and let me go. I can bet he was thinking something like "Aaah, maybe I should give up. She'll never talk to me."
 I got really upset about watching him sad like that. I didn't go home after school and went to my hiding place. I haven't been there for weeks and it was the only place where I could just think and relax.
 I've spent an hour or more there when my phone rang. It was my Mom. I thought "Shit, I forgot to call her."
 "Yup?", I said answering the phone.
 "Where are you? Haven't you finished school already?", wow she sounded worried.
 "I finished school. I'm just at Nadies', okay? I'll come home later."
 "But you sound sad. Is something bothering you?"
 "No, Mom. Everything's fine. Love ya, bye.", I said and hung up without even waiting for her to say bye.
 I really was sad and nothing was fine but I didn't wanna bother her with my problems. I knew she had enough on her own.
 "Oh, how I wish I had candy right now. It's the only thing that can help me.", I was thinking 5 minutes after talking to my mother. You know, candy had always been a friend of mine.
 Just then I heard someone coming closer and closer. To be honest, I felt dead scared! But my head was burried in my knees and I didn't really care if I was going to die. But I guess I wasn't because someone sat next to me and hugged me. I wanted to ask "Who is this?" but I couldn't.
 "We...we have to talk.", he said and I knew it was Mat.
 As he said that I burst out crying and hugged him back so tight that I doubt he could breathe but he just hugged me tighter. I felt good and bad at the same time.
 "Don't cry. Please don't, there's nothing worth crying about. Nothing that deserves the tears of a beautiful girl."
 I wanted to say "But there's someone" but I couldn't. My heart was aching, my mind was about to explode, I couldn't breathe when Mat tried to make me face him without any success
 "Listen. I have to apologize.", just them my heart sank. "I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I haven't thought that it would freak you out like this then and I should have. I'm sorry, it's just some feelings are stronger, I guess."
 Now I was looking him in the eyes.
 "I can't help myself. I don't know why and how but I've always liked you and you were always rejecting me, you never liked me. And when we.. when we kissed in front of Mandy. When you agreed on helping me get rid of her. When I was holding you in my hands I realised that's what I've always wanted. I realised I loved you...and I just couldn't help myself from kissing you again in Sports class. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have but it's stronger than me."
 Wow. All that time he had had such feelings for me and I had been such a fool. I couldn't say anything.
 "Are you gonna just look me in the eyes? It's scratching me on the inside. I need to know if there's a chance...for us. You gotta tell me."
 "Scartching me on the inside", I thought. "That's exactly what I use to describe my emotions. And yes, there's a chance..the biggest chance you could imagine."
 But instead of saying this out loud I just smiled at him and I could see his face lightening up with a smile wider than mine.
 "Or we just can do this", he said, leaned in and kissed me.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Chapter 5: As if I don't have enough things on my mind @ 4:49 PM

 After my "hiding place experience", a week went by without anything strange happening. Well, except for the fact that Mat has entirely changed. He was really nice to me and the biggest surprise of all was that he stopped snogging around with whoever wants to make out with him.
 That change in Mat was bothering me, though. It was just weird to see him act like this. And I've also got other things on my mind...like school and а Mom. She promised to buy me an iPhone but as she was often lying to me how was I supposed to believe her? Plus it was 2 weeks before June and the big exams would just star coming as soon as June started! What to solve first?
 Oh, I forgot to share with you the biggest thing scratching me on the inside! That was Justin. My letter with the CD had to be delivered already, but I had no sign whether it had happened or not. It was driving me insane not knowing anything and every day I would spend hours wondering about that.
 Another week rolled by and it was Tuesday. Great! I had two periods of Math on Tuesdays and I was good at Math, so I always had fun in those classes.
 Erh, question: Why didn't anybody tell me what a day I would have to relieve? If I'd been told I wouldn't have woken up! As soon as I got up from my bed and went to the bathroom, so I could brush my teeth, I hit my head in the bathroom door. I hit it so hard I can swear I saw stars falling from the sky! Maybe I'm overreacting it but it still hurt like hell.
 The next strange thing that "hit" me was my hair. It was perfectly in place, just as I've always dreamed of it to be. Well, that wasn't a bad thing, just surprinsing..
 I got dressed..one of my favourite blue T-shirts with a cute dolphin on it and black jeans. Then I went to the living room and turned on the TV. Guess what happened? "Baby" was on The Voice. I got so happy I started dancing and singing, and woke up the family.
 That wasn't a bad start of the day, except that my head was still hurting when I left for school. Well, not bad at first.
 I went out of the apartment and saw the bus. "What the HECK? It's only 6:40am, it's supposed to leave the bus station at 6:40 and be here 5 minutes later!" But I didn't have time to ask myself more questions, I rushed out and started running. Luckily, I was living near the bus stop, so I managed to catch the bus.
 "Well, running in the morning..not bad.", I told myself as I was trying to find a seat.
 I looked around and saw a guy who seemed familiar. I went closer and it was Mat. "What the HECK?...again.", it seemed that would be on replay on my mind the whole day.
 I tried to hide myself as I didn't want to sit next to him. Since he has been so nice to me, I felt he wanted something. I mean, I'd known Mat for years and he was such a player. "There must be something he wants from me.", but as my mind was talking to me Mat spotted me and smiled. I had no other choice but to go and sit next to him.
 "Heeey. How are you?", he said all sweet and loving, and kind...and I got confused.
 "I'm good, actually not so good..I hit my head in the bathroom door this morning. It still hurts." I let out a small laugh as I said that.
 "And the strange things just keep on happening!", I told myself as Mat leaned and kissed my forehead. Oh and of course my first thought was "What the HECK?" I guess I was right earlier about this thought spying on me.
 "It's gonna be good. How did you sleep last night anyway? Any sweet dreams worth coming true?", Mat said with a smile.
 "Any sweet dreams worth happening true? What the f*** Mat? What's gotten into you?", my mind was going crazy about all this Mat drama. I didn't know what to think anymore, I didn't know what the change in him was about. Anyway I answered his question.
 "I slept good, amazing but I didn't dream of anything. Why? Did you?"
 His smile disappeared in the exact same moment I asked him! He turned his head, trying not to look in my eyes. And looking out of the window he said: "Uhhrm, yes."
 "Oh, really? What did you dream about?"
 "Can I keep it a secret?", I got him. He was feeling uncomfortable.
 "Come on and I'll tell you about how I dreamed of a dolphin kidnapping me when I was little."
 That was a little lie..but just a little one. I wanted to know his dream so badly that I was prepared to make up some crazy dream. But Mat wasn't easy to break.
 "Hm, no. I better keep it to myself."
 "But you said it was a good one, right?"
 "Yeah, so what?", he seemed confused.
 "Well if it was good, you probably would want it to happen. Am I right?"
 He was still confused but said "Yes, I guess I want."
 "Well, then you gotta tell it to someone before noon and it will become true. Come on, tell me."
 "What? Why? You just made that up."
 "No, I didn't. It's an old myth actually. My grandma told me when I was 5 and I dreamed I had a pony."
 "Yeah, and did you get a pony?", he was trying to sound calm and cool, but I could still hear the unconfidence in his voice.
 "No, but I got the chance to see one.", saying that I forced my biggest smile ever.
 "Right...there's no way I'm telling you my dream. So, go ahead and tease me." he laughed and wrapped his arms around me.
 During the rest of the ride to school we said nothing to each other. He was holding me in his hands and I didn't fight against it. I was ok with it. Actually it felt really good hugging him. That was, at least, the opinion of my heart.
 My mind, on the other hand, was going nuts about it. I kept telling to myself "What are you doing? Pull away of that stupid hug.. No, it feels good. Yes, it does but you gotta stop! Are you falling for Mat? No waay!"
 My heart and mind were fighting. And when we arrived in front of the school my mind won the battle and I pulled away really quick and rushed out of the bus. Mat followed me and started asking questions.
 "Hey, what happened? Did I do something wrong?"
 He was confused. Really confused! And I just kept walking not saying anything, even not looking at him, like he never said anything and like he wasn't there running after me.
 "Inaa! Stop, please. Tell me what's wrong?", he grabbed my hand and turned me to face him.
 I could see the sadness in his eyes. Those gorgeous blue eyes were looking at me as if they were saying "We won't be able to move on if you don't give us an explanation." I couldn't do that to Mat, I couldn't be so cold-hearted.
 "It's nothing.", I said and tried to start walking again but failed because Mat had a tight grip. Well, of course. He was a boy.
 "No, there's something. I can see it, tell me."
 "There's nothing, okay? Let's go in, it's cold out here."
 It's cold out here? What the...? It was May! Mat, of course, didn't fell for that but he said nothing more and just walked in the school with me.
 We got to the 3rd floor to our classroom and started discussing the homework.
 Now feels like the right moment to explain something. Here, in Bulgaria, we are five groups 9th graders: 9 a, 9 b, 9 c, 9 d and 9 e. We have our classrooms and we have all the classes there, except for Sports and music. And Mat and I.. we are in 9 a grade. Also in the classroom the desks are for two, so we're sitting in pairs. I'm, of course, sitting with Nadie. And every group has a teacher who is responsible for them, we call him/her the headteacher. My headteacher is my English teacher, and his name's Mr Brown.
 The period I had English. I loved those classes! In 8th grade I've managed to learn all the grammar and go to the National Olympiad in English. Mr Brown was really proud of me and that made me really happy.
 When Mr B walked in the room I was talking to Nadie. She was telling me about the boys that have signed up for the hip-hop classes. But our talk was interrupted because the theacher said:
 "Now, listen class. You're gonna be sitting as I tell you to." the whole class started complaining but he cut us off "Silence, changed are good."
 I loved sitting with Nadie. She was my best friend and we always helped each other at tests. I could count on her...and not only for school. I could count on her for everything. And until the teacher called her name I was hoping that he would leave us two like this. Well, I was wrong... Nadie had to sit with Kate. To tell you the truth, I liked Kate. She was sweet and kind to everyone. She was also a little crazy like me and Nadie.
 I felt a piece of happiness running through my heart because of Kate and Nadie sitting together and another piece when Mandy was told to sit next to Brandon. He was a shy guy but he was also sweet just like Kate. But for Mandy, he was probably a nightmare.
 Then my cup of pieces was suddenly empty. When Mr Brown said "Ina and..let's see. Yeah, Ina and Mat, you'll be sitting together..3rd desk in the middle." my heart sank.
 "Why Mat? What is this? The congress of confusion?" but Mat sat next to me and smiled, so I had to smile back and stop thinking. The class was over and Nadie and I "reunited".
 "Hey, where are you going?" Mat asked when I stood up from my chair.
 "The cafeteria with Nadie. Do you want something?"
 "No, thanks."
 We had a 20-minute break after first periods, so we could go and have something for breakfast because starting school at 7:30am was early and most students often didn't have time to eat at home...just like me.
 I went to the cafeteria with Nadie and Kate. We talked and laughed. Kate was cool and I was happy she was with us. You know, it was always Nadie and I everywhere, it was great to have a third person around. Maybe we were going to be a trio...three best friends. Who knew?
 We didn't buy anything for breakfast but we bought a lot of candy and cokes. We then walked around the school and went upstairs to our classroom. It was empty except for two people.
 Mandy was sitting on my desk flirting with Mat. Well, I didn't know for sure but Susan broke up with Mat because he was making out with Mandy. So what else could have they been doing? What I didn't know was that another surprise was waiting for me. As I walked in with Nadie and Kate, Mandy turned around and said:
 "Well, well, we were just talking about you." and smiled at me.
 I hate her! What was wrong with her? Why was she talking to me?
 "What?" I said with anger and hate in my voice.
 "Mat here just rejected me."
 "So? What it has to do with me?"
 "He didn't wanna make out with me."
 "I still don't get it.. why do I have to care, especially if it's about you?", this was confusing, really confusing.
 "He told me you two were going out and he won't cheat. That was his reason, is it true?"
 My mouth dropped open but Mandy didn't see it because she turned to face Mat. I was ready to shout when he made a puppy-dog face which he made only when he needed me to do something for him. I knew he wanted me to help him. But still..why the f*** did he have to tell her such a thing?
 "Yeah, it's true." I forced an evil smile.
 Nadie looked at me like I was some crazed dude getting high in school. And Kate was smiling as if this was the moment she was waiting for her entire life. Like we were in some telenovela and the lead actors have to be in love but someone has always been on their way..well, you know what I mean.
 "Right, prove it then.", Mandy said and laughed.
 Gash, she was laughing like Cruela. I hated her. And how to prove it? I had a suggestion..I could throw her out of the window, would that have proved it?
 "And how are we supposed to prove it?", I asked feeling confident because I thought there wasn't a way we could possibly prove such thing.
 "Kiss, of course.", she said with another smile.
 "Whha..?", I tried to protest but Mat quickly stood up, got me by the waist and kissed me.
 His lips on mine. It felt so good. It felt like...paradise. And when he used his tongue it was magical. I've never been kissed like this before. Kissing Mat was completely different from my past experience. It felt that he was leading me, as if he was trying to make it clear he was the guy in the relationship.
 When we pulled away Mandy was gone, Nadie's mouth was dropped open and Kate was so unbelievably happy.
 "Are you two really going out together?", she asked in excitement.
 "Of course not, Kate. What was that all about..Mat?", Nadie asked obviously confused and angry at him.
 He didn't pay her any attention and turned to me.
 "I'm sorry I just wanted to get rid of her and I told her we were going out. And...I'm sorry."
 "It's ok. We'll just forget about that, okay?", I said with a smile on my face.
 Then all our classmates came, my Math teacher, Mrs Anderson came too and the class started. During it Mat wrote me a note *About what you said..we kind of can't forget about it. Mandy is 100% gonna tell everybody. We have to pretend?* Ah, right, no way! What was he thinking? That I'm gonna be his girlfriend from now on because some bitch thought I was? But I wrote *We can play it like we break up soon and all will be as it was, right?* I looked at him when I handed him the note. His face went from happy to sad when he read what I'd written but anyways he wrote *Yeah, okay. Whatever you say:)*
 The day was almost over, just one more period - Sports. I went to the gym with Mat. He had forgotten his shorts and T-shirt for the class, so he asked the teacher to give him some. After changing in the ladies lockers, I went outside at the volleyball court. And just when I was talking to Kate about something, Mat came out from the boys changing rooms and I cracked up laughing. He was looking really funny.
 "What are you laughing at, lady?", he said when he came up to me.
 "Hmm...let's see. Some boy looking like a clown in funny shorts."
 "Yeah, right. Thank you very much.", he laughed.
 "Sorry, I just can't help myself."
 Then we separated in two teams and started playing volleyball. I was in a team with Mat, the game was rough. But in the end, our team won. I was so happy I started running to Mat. I was going to give him a hug as a present for the winning but instead of just a hug it turned into a kiss.
 When I reached him, Mat grabbed me by the waist, picked me up from the ground and kissed me. It was so passionate. I felt like I was flying and then I reached the clouds of happiness. I've never felt better in my whole life.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Chapter 4: My so important thing @ 6:10 PM

 I woke up at around 10a.m. and the sun was shining. I got up from my bed and played "Brighter" by Paramore on my computer. Full volume. I was so happy, everything was brighter.
 I don't remember to have ever been happier. While brushing my teeth and fixing my hair, I sang and danced. It took me an hour to get ready and make sure everything was perfect. Saying perfect I don't mean "My hair was totally in place, I was looking like a princess, etc.". Saying perfect I mean "My hair was a little messy as usual and I wore just a little blue makeup. I was wearing my favourite clothes. I was perfectly myself".
 I put Elly's camera on a chair and sat on the floor in my bedroom. In the next moment I was recording a video.
 Here's the time to let you know what I had on my mind. When Mousie said all those things about the hip-hop class it occurred to me "But of course! I'm gonna make a video. I'll say what Justin means to me and why. Then I'll send it to him, he'll smile...I hope. I would be happy for eternity for telling him everything I want." That made me storm out of the cafe so quick the day before.
 My video turned out to be 15 minutes long. And it took me 15 minutes to record it. What I want to say is that I didn't stop it and then start again if I didn't like something. I wanted to just be myself. And myself makes stupid mistakes sometimes but who doesn't?
 I burnt it to a CD then, wrote a letter to Justin. I used one of these blue sheets I had.
 To be honest, to write the letter turned out to be a lot harder than recording the video. It took me 30 minutes. When I finally was ready with everything I rushed out to the post office. All the way there I ran so fast as I was running for my life. There I put it in an envelope and while giving it to a postoffice lady I whispered "Please, go to Bieber's hands. Please."
 10 minutes later I was sitting under a tree in the town's park eating candy. I had this hidden place I had found when I was 5 years old and whenever I wanted to be alone I just went there. It felt like woods and the air was fresher. It was my perfect place for relaxation. I ate 2 bags of candy..but you should all understand me. I felt my emotions mixing in my stomach, I felt a little scared and sad, and amazing at the same time.
 I was so happy I had sent that important letter and CD to Justin. But I was scared if he would actually see my video. "What if someone else gets it? Or what if he doesn't wanna see it and just throw it away?" Those thoughts made me a little sad, too.
 Then someone covered my eyes. Now I was terrified. "Who the hell knows this place?" was the first thing to occur to me.Then a familiar voice said "Guess who". It was Mat, I recognized it immediately.
 -"Mat, come on. Do you have to be such a child?", I said as if I wasn't impressed.
 But I was. How in the world Mat knew about my hiding place?
 -"Haha, you know me too well. What are you doing here?", he said while uncovering my eyes.
 -"Shouldn't I be asking this question?" this came out as if I was mad at him.
 -"Heey hey, you won't punch me, will you? I went to your place but your Mom told me you had stormed off hours ago. So I came here."
 -"But how you knew about this place? I mean I told nobody."
 -"Am I nobody? You told me weeks ago, remember? Our families were having dinner together. I told you I had seen you in this area and asked you what had you been doing around here. But you didn't wanna talk to me then, so you just said something about an old tree and hiding. I used to come here a lot when I was little, so it wasn't hard for me to guess where you were."
 Okay, wow! I had told Mat and I even didn't remember that. Mat! Why Mat? He was one of the people I couldn't stand. Duh, such a player and always snogging around with sluts.
 -"Okay. Why are you here?"
 This question also sounded as I was mad at him. But this time I really was mad at him, though I was more mad at myself. How could I mention this to Mat? How?
 -"Don't be mad at me. I was worried, stormed off of your apartment hours ago, no sign of you anywhere. And that thing you was so happy about yesterday. I don't know, I decided I should find you.", he wasn't smiling anymore. He was serious.
 -"Well...you found me. What now?" I wasn't sure but something about him made me feel better. He was concerned about me so I decided to pay a little attention to him.
 -"Would you mind telling me about the big thing?"
 I quickly filled him in. And he listened..how strange. I mean, of all people Mat was there with me being nice and everything. This wasn't a typical scene in my life.
 When I finished explaining he simply smiled and said:
 -"Wow, that's called an idea. But you don't seem happy about it, why?"
 -"What if he doesn't get it? What if he never sees the video? And what if he sees it but doesn't show any signs of watching it. I mean, how I'll know then?" my eyes were filling with tears as I was saying that.
 What was happening to me? I was crying in front of Mat for such a thing? And in front of Mat?? Really? I thought he would just laugh and offer me to make out. I mean, I would totally have been him! But instead of being a jerk he held my hands. Mat held my hands!
 -"Don't worry, he'll see it and then send you an e-mail or DM you in twitter."
 He was looking me right in the eyes. I felt a little uncomfortable so I broke the eye contact but he said:
 -"Hey, look up." when I looked up he just continued "Don't bother feeling bad about this, okay? I promise it all will be fine."
 Then the strangest thing happened. I hugged him and started crying. I was crying in Mat's arms. And again, he just hugged me back which was totally not the Mat I knew.
 I spent the aftertoon under the tree, Mat hugging me. I cried for a while but then stopped and we were just silent. It wasn't uncomfortable, though. It seemed like we both enjoyed the silence but Mat broke it.
 -"Um, I'm sorry but I should be home. I mean, right after school I came to look for you. My Mom will be worried."
 -"Oh..okay. Yeah, right. I'd better go, too." I was a little disapointed because I wanted to stay a little longer there with him.
 -"You'll be fine, right?" he touched my face to make me face him.
 "Those beautiful eyes. How come I haven't noticed them before? No, no.. it's Mat! He's a total player. Come on.." I was totally lost in my thoughts when I heard Mat talking to me.
 -"Heey. Promise me you will be fine!"
 -"Ah, yeah. Of course." That was one little lie.
 He said nothing. He just stood there looking at me. And then after 3 or 4 minutes he just said "Okay, bye.", kissed me on the cheek and left, not even letting me say bye to him.
 I just went home and talked with my Mom. She was my mother and I wasn't sharing almost anything with her. But I decided I really should, so I told her everything. Then we had diner at around 8p.m. and I went to bed early again. I didn't have school that day but it was hell tiring.
 Thought I was so tired, my mind wouldn't shut up about my letter and Mat.
 I kept thinking "Mat might happen to be my best friend. He seems to understand my feelings. Oh god, what about Justin? Will he see my video? I hope so." But soon after hitting the pillow I started dreaming.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Chapter 3: Cutting classes @ 4:01 PM

 It was a month since I started searching for acting auditions on the Internet. I've looked everywhere and singed up for a bunch of sites. Every day I couldn't wait to get home and start searching again, although it was really tiring. I wanted to succeed and I was going to. It just wasn't easy.
 It was Thursday and the class was supposed to have 2 periods of Biology because our English teacher was away, so instead of English-Biology.  We didn't wanna stay for those 2 periods, it would all be just boring and we won't study anything in particular. We knew it from past experiences. So we all just cut the last 2 periods and I went with Mousie to a cafe. We ordered pizzas and cokes and started gossiping.
 -"Have you heard about Susan and Mat?", she asked.
 -"No, what about them? Had sex? She's pregnant?" as I said that Mousie burst out laughing.
 -"Haha, it would be fun, but no. In fact, they had broken up. I heard she had caught him kissing another girl."
 -"I was sure it was gonna turn out that way. I've known Mat for years! He's a player."
 In that moment Mat walked in the cafe and as he came to us.
 -"Ladies, what's up?", he asked looking at me playfully.
 -"Don't lady me. We were talking about you. Who did you kiss for Susan to break up with you, smart ass?"
 -"Someone's angry. I kissed Mandy. So what?"
  The waitress came along and Mat ordered a pizza, too. I remained silent for a second. Mandy was that whore every school has. I really couldn't stand her. But my thoughts were intereputed by Mousie.
 -"Mat, you know I'm in charge for the new hip-hop class, right?"
 -"Yeah, and?", he said that while getting a bite from his pizza.
 -"I saw your video.. You're really good and I put you in the list. So, you better get preparing yourself."
 -"Okay, but....", I didn't even let him finish his sentence.
 -"What video? What hip-hop classes? Anyone wanna fill me in?"
 -"I told you about that last week. The new hip-hop classes for boys. My Dad is the head and he wanted me to watch the videos boys send us and if they are good to write them down on the list for the class."
 -"So, whoever wants to be in that class has to make a video and send it to you? And you'll watch all the videos?"
 -"Yes. What's so strange about that? You sound like it's a big deal..", she was confused and so was I, but I got the best idea ever.
 -"I'll tell you later. Bye."
 I just put some money on the table. Kissed Mousie and Mat on the cheek, and I could see Mat's face turning red but I couldn't bother explaining myself. I just rushed out of the cafe and headed home.
 On the way I couldn't stop thinking "I need a camera. I need a camera. It would totally work. Just to find a camera..." and then it occured to me that my friend Elly had a camera. I went to her place and rang the doorbell. I didn't stop ringing it till she opened the door. She was in her PJs and I could totally tell she was asleep, so I started apologizing.
 -"I'm so so sorry to wake you up. But I wouldn't if it wasn't really important to me. Please, please don't be mad at me...", I couldn't catch my breath as I was trying to say how sorry I was.
 -"Nah, it's nothing. Just breathe, okay? Tell me, what's up?"
 -"I need your camera. I got the best idea ever but I need a camera. It would be amazing if you give yours. I'll return it in 2 days, I promise."
 -"Okay, just breathe, please."
 As she said that I hugged her so tight, now that she couldn't breathe, too. It was just all gonna work out and I was sure of it. When Elly gave me the camera I just ran all the way home and started preparing everything.
 The thing I was about to do had to be perfect. I got out my favourite jeans and my favourite blue-top with a cupcake on it. I cleaned my room. Then my Mom got home and I went to meet her at the door. I hugged her, kissed her on the cheek and I could tell she was surprised.
 -"What was that for?", she asked.
 -"Nothing. I'm just happy!", but I still could see the confusion in her eyes.
 -"What's with the smell? Have you been cleaning?"
 -"Yes, I cleaned my room. Plus I'm gonna do my homework now."
 -"Is there anything you need me to do or buy you?"
 There wasn't anything I wanted..at first. But when she asked I thought that if I wanted to make that special planned for tomorrow thing perfect, I had to skip school, so I decided to just ask.
 -"Um, actually as you're asking there is something little. It's not little, but.."
 -"Just say it.." and she smiled while saying it, so it made me calm.
 -"I need to skip school tomorrow. I've planned a thing that could turn out to be the most important in my life, so please write a note to my teacher?"
 -"Okay, hun. But go do your homework. That you're not going to school tomorrow isn't a matter for you not to do your homework."
 I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling and Mom decided not to ask anymore questions. She seemed happy about the change in me. After I did my homework I went shopping for food with my mother. We bought a lot of things and when we returned back home I insisted on cooking.
 I never did that. I mean, cooking? It so wasn't the thing for me, though I was good at it.
 That evening Mat and his family came over for dinner. Our mothers were friends, so I had to accept him as a friend, kind of. I didn't use to talk to Mat when our families got together, but this time we were joking and laughing. I enjoyed it and he was surprised. When he and his parents were about to leave he asked me.
 -"So, it's a shame you won't be at school tomorrow. At least, tell me what's that big thing?", he said that with that playful look of his.
 Everyone was watching me. His father and mother, my mother and grandmother. It was just got to be one of those awkward moments but it wasn't.
 -"I won't tell you.", I kissed him on the cheek after saying it.
 He turned red and when he left with his family, I went to my room. I listened to some music and went to bed early.
 After all,I got to rest before the big day, right?

Chapter 2: What do I fight for first? @ 12:49 PM

 It was Monday and I woke up at 6 a.m. As I was brushing my teeth I was thinking "Stupid school! Why do I even have to go there?" You know, reader, on the other hand I loved going to school because I've found some great friends there.
 Just to fill you in, I'm in 9th grade. The previous year was magical, we had just 6 classes and now they were like 15. Anyway, with the time passing by I got used to my new school and new classmates. There were some I couldn't stand but if it wasn't for the new school I wouldn't have found my new best friend in the entire universe, Manie. But I called her Mousie (cutter from Mouse).
 I got ready and went to school. Everyday was perfectly the same. I would go, have fun during breaks, be bored during periods and then go home, study and spend my free time chatting with friends. I was so wrong! I had no clue the day would turn out to be one of the most important days in my life. A turning point for my future!
 School ended, I went home and immediately went to check my e-mail as if I knew something important was waiting for me there. I saw a letter from twitter.com and remembered I had an account there. "Hm, why don't I use it? It may be fun..." so I logged in and a wave of Justin Bieber's fans blew me away. "What's so special about this guy anyway? I've heard about a lot of singers..haha" But I was so completely wrong thinking this way. And when I played "Baby" my whole world turned upside down. His music made me smile, something no one and nothing have succeeded to do for a very long time. The fact, though, that he got famous thanks to youtube was amazing and impressive.
 All that Bieber stuff got me thinking about acting. I've acted since I was 4 years old and I wanted to become an actress so badly. Apart from that I had other problems, too. School, boys and a mother.
 "Oh God, why did I wanted to study Spanish? It's soooo hard! Duh, can anyone help me? PLEASE?" That was my opinion of the language. And all those things I had to remember for my other 14 classes..so not cool!
 And as I didn't have any other things on my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about boys. I've never had a decent boyfriend. The last one was a year younger and he was a mess. Oh, and he lived 60 kilometers away from me.. We were together for about 2 months. I'm not even sure how we made it for that long.
 The most interesting of all were the fights with my mother. I felt like she adopted me and didn't want me to know it. We were so much NOT alike! To prove it I'll tell you about that same day I found my biggest inspiration, Bieber.
 As I was listening to "Stuck In The Moment", which turned out to be my favourite song of his, my mother got back home. I would usually go to see her but this time I didn't. She came in my room and said:
 -"Turn that music down. What do you want? To blow my ears off?"
 -"Yeah, maybe..Thanks for the idea.", I wasn't in the mood for arguments but she went on.
 -"Don't talk to me like that. Get up and do your homework"
 -"I already did", I lied and I didn't feel guilty. I just wanted to lay on my bed for the rest of the day and listen to Justin's music.
 Luckily, Mom just left my room. She didn't even ask if I was hungry, how my day was or if I needed to talk to someone. And to be honest, it was all the same to me wether somebody cared about my day and my hunger. I was in a real need to have an adult to share my problems with, though. But it was my Mom after all. She didn't care about what was bothering me or like I said in my mind:
 -"She doesn't give a shit about the thing torturing me these days".
 That day I did almost nothing except for when I ate a sandwich. My fight was just starting and I wasn't even sure what I would fight for first but I was totally going to get where I was heading for.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Chapter 8: Three families, one table @ 11:13 PM

 I was feeling great about the dinner plans with Justin. I mean my family having dinner with Justin, his mother and his crew..that was a dream to a lot of girls, right?
 Anyway, I showed Justin the whole town, we talked a lot and I told him everything I wanted. Everything from the fair beginning, including that I wanted to be an actress. Actually, when I told him that he wanted me to play something.
 "Let me see you acting. Climb up there and say something.", he said pointing at a bench and I did it.
 "Ladies and...and...and..(crash in the system) gentlemen. I am proud to tell you that (proud voice) I'm here with Justin Bieber and he eats a lot of candyy (clown voice)."
 Justin cracked up laughing really hard as I did that because I said it really loud and people were watching us.
 "You're nuts.", he said still laughing at what I just had done.
 Time rolled by really fast. It was 6pm so we separated. I went home, changed and went to see what my mother had cooked for the special dinner with Justin.
 "Hey, Mom. Whay have you cooked for tonight?"
 "You said Justin loves spaghetti and you love spaghetti too, so I made..guess what?"
 "Mom, that was lame.", I said laughing.
 "Go see if the table is ready hun."
 "Okay, Mom"
 So I went to check if everything was alright. Well, it was but there were more dishes at the table than they should have been.
 "Mom, why are so many dishes at the table? Are we expecting someone else?", I said worrying about the answer.
 "Mat's family is coming over too, remember?"
 That was the answer I was afraid to hear! Why tonight? Why? Mat was surely going to get jealous and say something stupid and this was going to be my first time meeting Justin's Mom & crew. I was trying to think of a way to keep Justin and Mat away when the bell rang and my thoughts were interrupted by Mom's voice.
 "Ina, go open the door!", she shouted.
 "Okay, okay, just stop shouting!"
 I went hoping it was Justin so I could tell him about Mat's family coming over but it was Mat and his mother.
 "Hello, welcome.", I said with a smile on my face.
 "Hey hun", Mat said, grabbed me by the waist and started kissing me.
 What was that for? I got confused but his mother saved me.
 "Mat, do you really have to do such things like that?"
 "What do you mean?", he asked apperantly not willing to stop.
 "Whatever. Um, where's your Dad?"
 "John's been called from work. He'll be away for a week.", Mat's mother, Nancy, told me.
 I led them to the dinning room and as I expected when Mat saw so many dishes he got nervous.
 "Is somebody else coming?", he asked me as we sat down.
 "Yes, Justin with his mother and some people from his crew, his manager and Kenny. I hope it's okay?"
 "Of course it's okay.", his Mom said and smiled.
 Then Mat started kissing me again. It was about two minutes when the door bell rang again. I tried to pull away but Mat wouldn't let me.
 "Mat, I have to open the door.", I said.
 He then let me go and I ran being so happy and excited. I bet Mat saw that and got a little angry. Anyway, I couldn't bother about that so I just went and opened the door.
 "Oh my gash! Justin's Mom is so beautiful!!", I thought I was thinking but obviously I've said that out loud.
 Well, it took me some time to figure out what I've just done. Justin laughed, his Mom & the others just smiled.
 "Thank you", Pattie said.
 "Ah, I'm sorry. I thought I was thinking that but obviously I wasn't. Anyway, you're really beaufitul, Mrs Pattie", I said and to be honest, I was really stunned.
 I said hi to the others and had a little chat with everyone and then I led them to the dinning room. You know, the usual things happened when people meet each other for the first time: "Hello", "Nice to meet you", "How are you", etc.
 The good part started when Mom served the dinner.
 Everyone talked and laughed. Justin got a spaghetti stain on his T-shirt and I laughed a lot at that. Actually my mother, Pattie and Nancy got on really well and were talking almost the whole night. And Mat wasn't causing any scenes. Well, not at first.
 We were just having desert and Justin wanted to say something.
 "Can I just..people!", he had to raise his voice a little so everyone could hear him, "can I say something?"
 Everyone in the room stopped talking and stared at Justin. I was actually going mad in my mind what he was about to say.
 "So, you all know why I am here today. Ina is a girl with talent. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the opportunity to show it and luckily, I won't be in peace til she gets that opportunity. But beyond that talent, there's a great personality. And I'd like to make a toast about the sweetness in those gorgeous brown eyes."
 The sound of glasses knocking slightly went over the room but I was so amazed by what Justin said and more important, so touched that I just couldn't stand and say nothing.
 "And the next toast, of course, will be for Justin. I sent a video to that guy thinking he won't ever notice me, but I just knew I had to show him what he has done for me with his music. And that guy turned out to be amazing and to be able to make my world even more lighter than before. Thank you" and while saying "Thank you" I hugged him really tight.
 Of all that noise of the glasses I've forgotten about Mat and I guess he has gotten a bit angry.
 "Can I see you in your room?", he whispered in my ear.
 We both excused ourselves (let's stick to the good manners) and went to my room.
 "Okay, what was that?", now he was angry.
 "What was what?", I really wanted to just avvoied all that which was coming.
 "I know you're a good actress too, but don't try to act me. Those speeches and hugs, come on!"
 "You really don't have to be getting so angry about that. That was politeness."
 "Yeah, right... more like love to me."
 "Come on! Are you even listening to yourself?", I said though I really wanted to say "That was really stupid of you to say."
 "Seriously, tell me if you wanna be with Mr Superstar."
 "Seriously!", this was just really stupid but anyway, "Listen to yourself! I love you, remember? Or that sentence is just somewhere hidden in you, waiting for you to find it again and remember what it means?", I got him saying that but really, what was he thinking?
 "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm overreacing and being jealous for nothing. Come here, I'll apologize."
 Guess how he apologized? We kissed. Well, more like made out. But anyway, I felt a little weird. I mean, was that our first fight or wasn't it? What I'm trying to say is that it didn't seem to be a real fight, we made up a minute later but it has to be still counted as a fight. Oh, I don't know. That confused me. Important thing was we weren't fighting for too long and his kisses still had the same effect on me.
 The rest of the evening also went smooth. Everyone joked and everyone was happy.
 Mat and his Mom left earlier but that was a good thing because Mat didn't get to see Justin kissing me on the cheek for goodbye. It would have been a disaster. Mat could have got mad about it.
 And I said that the fight with Mat got me confused but I guess I haven't been aware what confusion was then. Because when I tried to fall asleep that night I couldn't stop thinking about that "goodbye kiss" Justin gave me. He said those words about me being talented, having a great personality and that comment on my brown eyes. And now kissing me for goodbye. Yes, it was on the cheek but still it was considered a kiss, right?

Friday, June 11, 2010

Chapter 7: Seriously, this doesn't need a title! @ 5:11 PM

 I believe I don't have to say how I felt while Mat and I were kissing. You all know that I've got butterflies in my stomach and I knew how to fly then. So let me tell you what happened next.
 "I love you", I said first after pulling away from the kiss.
 Mat just hugged me tight and said "I love you too."
 And then we started speed talking. Mat started it!
 "So we share this place now?"
 "Yes, I guess.. we do."
 "It gotta has a name then."
 "It already has a name."
 "Yeah? What's it?"
 "Candyland"
 "What? Why?"
 "'Cause candy is my friend?"
 "Ha, you're good. It rhymes."
 "I know, thanks."
 Then there was a silence for a minute or so.
 "I gotta call Mom", Mat broke it.
 "Why?"
 "I call Mom, tell her we gotta be having dinner with your mother and granny tonight, she calls your Mom and invites you all, then at dinner we tell them."
 "Clever."
 "Thanks", he put that playful look of his and I hated that.
 "Aaah, come on!"
 "What?"
 "The look...change it!"
 "Haha, okay."
 Then he called his mother and told her out families are having dinner together tonight. She was confused, I bet, but went with it. And just 10 minutes later my phone rang.
 "Sup, Mom?", I said obviously sounding happy.
 "Wow, I called you half an hour earlier and there was such sadness in your voice."
 "I know."
 "You're a strange kid."
 "I know."
 "Hah, anyway Mat's Mom just called that we're having dinner tonight at their place. Apperantly, Mat had called to tell her leaving the details."
 "Yeah, okay. I'll be there."
 "What you mean you'll be there?"
 "I'll come over to get some clothes and I'll come to Nadies' again. I can, can't I?"
 "Ooohh, okay."
 "Bye, Mom."
 "Bye, take care."
 I looked at Mat and smiled. So we were going to appear there together and everyone will get confused. It was a good plan...like all my plans were.
 When I went to get some clothes from home, Mom wasn't there. And Mat also went to his place. Then we met at Nadie's place and when we told her she freaked out, she jumped and screamed. She also trethened Mat that if he hurts me she's gonna trace him for eternity and take him to hell. But Nadie can actually do that for real!
 Anyway, in the evening Mat and I were getting a little late. Our phones were ringing every minute, but we couldn't bother to pick up. When we got to Mat's house we were hand in hand. Entering the dining room like that turned out to be a funny moment, not confusing as we were planning it. His mother saw our hands on the instant and said;
 "Is it what I think it is?"
 "What? What do you mean?", my Mom, on the hand, didn't notice anything.
 "Yes, Mom, it is.", Mat simply said and then his mother stood and came to hug me.
 Everyone else seemed confused as hell! But after hugging me Mat's Mom, whose name by the way was Nancy, turned and said:
 "Boyfriend and girlfriend.", pointing first at Mat and then at me.
 All the others cheered, hugged me and Mat and the rest of the evening was fun. We talked about a lot of things. Mat and I went to his room to spend some time together. I'd actually been there just once, so it was interesting. I was looking through his stuff, which got him pretty bothered. But then we just kissed, hugged and all that stuff boyfriends and girlfriends do. And that night I went to bed happy.
 It's been almost 2 weeks. I was extremely happy having Mat by my side. He was like the boyfriend every girls dreams to have. He was really nice and sweet to me, maybe overprotective at times...but hey, what's wrong with that?
 Anyway, it was Friday....and as I've already told you I loved Fridays! And of course, my day started ah-mazing, then kept on getting even more and more ah-mazing.
 I woke up in Mat's arms. He stayed the night with me. It was actually the first time he was doing this and we both were really thankful to our parents for trusting us. But that's not important. What matters is the feeling waking up next to the one you love.
 When I opened my eyes I looked up to him and saw that he was already awake.
 "How long have you been awake?", I said sleepy.
 "For about an hour now."
 "You're nuts! Why didn't you wake me up?"
 "How can I wake up an angel?", he said and then kissed me.
 About ten minutes passed and we had to get up and get ready for school. "I could have stayed like this forever. Stuupid school, I hate you." I was thinking while brushing my teeth.
 In school everything was going alright. Actually it was going great! I got my results from the Spanish exam and I'd scored 100%! All classes were great fun and I got to have a real laugh with Nadie in Sports.
 What I didn't know then was that the surprises for the day weren't over yet.
 The last bell for the week rang and I rushed out of the classroom with Mat, Nadie and Kate. I actually started running down the stairs so fast that Mat failed to catch me. I was really really happy that day!!! Finally, Mat cought me just when I was about to get out of the school.
 "Oookay, I really got to practise!"
 "Haha, I'm a beast, right?", I said laughing out loud.
 "Yeah, yeah, my beast."
 We were walking out of school, the others had also cought up with my running. Mat and Kate started talking about the homework for Monday, and I tried to cut them off.
 "Guysss, come on! It's Friday, we have 2 days off and you're talking about...." but just then I cut myself off.
 What I saw just couldn't have been real! But it was...and it took me about a minute to believe my eyes. My mouth has dropped open, I've also had dropped my school bag, my keys, my phone, everything I was holding in my hands.
 Across the street was parked a black Range Rover and Justin Bieber was standing right in front of it. "What theeeeee? You're dreaming! You gotta be! OMGaash, is that for real???" In the next moment I was running in his direction, he saw me and smiled. Justin Bieber smiled at me!!! And when I reached him he hugged me and I hugged him back!
 Millions of thoughts were crossing my mind! There was I hugging Justin Bieber, the boy who I looked up to, the boy whose music helped me through hard moments, whose music helped me to fight for my dreams. How was I gonna tell him everything I wanted in the way I wanted? I couldn't find my words, I couldn't find my thoughts, everything was really messed up and yet felt in place.
 I was just hugging him, he was just hugging me and I could feel he was smiling, which bothered me a little. Wait, why? I don't know. The important part was that he was there. Nothing else mattered.
 When I decided I'd pull away and talk to him, Mat coughed from behind. I thought "Oh, I swear if he gets jealous I'll send Chuck Norris after him!" but I turned and smiled at him. Then back at Justin, who was still smiling.
 "Are you real or just an illusion because I wanted to meet you so badly that I'm going insane now just to pretend I'm hugging you but it was just the air I was hugging seconds ago.", I asked almost forgetting to breathe.
 "Wow, you're really fast.", he laughed "and no, I'm not an illusion, you're perfectly sane."
 "So best day of my life. Nothing sane about that, but why?"
 "Why what?"
 "Why did you come?", he seemed confused, but so was I.
 "I saw the video. Your story is amazing, I was so happy I helped you through so much that I just got to see you. Plus I'm an angel, you know..gotta make people's wishes come true.", he let out a laugh again.
 "Haha, you are an angel.", I gave him my biggest smile ever. And then Mat coughed again. "Uum, Justin..that's Mat, my boyfriend, Nadie, my best friend and Kate, most random person ever."
 "Nice to meet you all, guys. And I hope Mat, you won't get jealous or anything, I don't have such thoughts about your cute girl here.", Justin said to Mat.
 "No, it's okay. She wanted to meet you, it's ok by me.", I could see there was something wrong with Mat's look but I couldn't bother starting drama. Well..Justin kind of did.
 "So, I'm staying for 2 weeks, maybe more. I need a rest and I find your city a cool place. Your whole country is amazing. And there won't be groups of paparazzi following every move of mine. And I'll get to spend some time with you, help you more maybe."
 Now that was AH-MAZING!!! I was so happy I hugged him again. Mat, on the other hand, wasn't so happy but didn't say anything.
 "Where are you staying?", Mat asked.
 "Mat there's only one hotel in the town. What's with the stupid question?", I said a little rude maybe, but I didn't mean to sound like that.
 "Don't fight you two, please. But yeah, I'm staying there."
 Justin was so sweet! I mean, trying to have the situation all cool and trying not to start fights between me and Mat.
 "Okay, so let me drive you all.", finally Justin broke an awkward silence that has set in for a few minutes.
 "Yeah, since you're the one with the car.", everyone laughed at my joke, but to tell you the truth, I didn't find it so funny.
 Anyway, Justin drove us. First, we dropped off Kate. Then as we were on the way to drop Nadie off, it occured to my mind Mat and I had had plans but since Justin was there I couldn't just leave him wandering around the city all alone.
 "Mat, umm, about our plans for today..."
 "What about them?", he knew what I was about to say but still sounded surprised.
 "We have to cancel them. I gotta show Justin the town and stuff. I can't leave him alone on his first day here.", I had this apologetic look on my face while saying it and I really was sorry.
 "Right, whatever."
 "Fuck, why are you so mean? I didn't do anything!!! Why do you have to be such a dumbass, Mat?" that was only crossing my mind, I didn't say it out loud.
 We reached Nadie's location. We hugged, kissed on the cheeks and she was about to go out when Mat said he was going too.
 "But you don't live here.", I tried to make him stay. I didn't want him to feel like...well, the way he was.
 "Whatever, I'll walk home."
 "Yeah, okay", I said looking down, thinking to myself "Thanks a lot Mat. Fyi that hurt."
 Mat went out of the car without giving me a kiss, without saying anything more.
 "Is everything ok?", Justin asked holding my hand.
 "I wish I knew. He's acting so weird, he's jealous and he shouldn't be."
 "It will be fine, I promise.", he smiled and then asked "So, where are you taking me today?"
 "Okay, let's first go to my place so I change and then we'll walk around town and have fun."
 We drove to my apartment and to be honest, when Justin entered my room it was a bit awkward. Posters of him were on my walls..well, not everywhere. I had Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Johnny Depp's ones and many others, but there were like 10 just of Justin. But I guess it didn't bother the real Justin because he just smiled and let out another joke.
 "Great collection of me you got there."
 "Cute, really cute!", I laughed at what he said.
 "Oh, you play the guitar?", Justin asked in amazement when he saw my guitar.
 "Um, I wish I played."
 Then Justin got it and started playing something really nice. Then when I sat next to him, he faced me and started singing. I didn't know the song, it was probably something he wrote, I don't know, but it was really nice. After that I went to the bathroom and changed into my favourite denim shorts and a T-shirt because it was really hot outside.
 When I got back to my room I cought Justin reading my diary and somehow didn't feel mat at him or anything. I just smiled. I was ok with the fact him reading my best friend.
 "So, you named your diary after me or is it another Justin?", he asked playfully.
 "I HATE PLAYFUL LOOKS!" was the first thing to come to my mind but I didn't really mind his.
 "Yeah, I did. I felt you close to me."
 "That's nice. And btw shouldn't you be freaking out about me reading this?", he said showing me the diary like I didn't see it when I entered.
 "That's what I was asking myself. I don't know, I'm ok with that. Anyway, let's go."
 First I showed him where to buy the most amazing ice-cream ever. I was an ice-cream lover, what can I say? Then we walked around, I showed him the main places where he could have fun and we talked about him, about my dream, about everything. Then his phone rang and he talked for about 5 minutes.
 "So, who was it or is it a top secret that I should not know?", I asked because it was scratching me, I wanted to know who he talked to so badly.
 "It was Scooter. He talked to check where I was and when I was going back to the hotel."
 "He is here?", I was a bit surprised and I shouldn't. I mean of course Scooter would be there with Justin.
 "Yeah, and my Mom's here too, and Kenny. We never leave without Kenny and he's a lover when it comes to travelling."
 "Haha, me too. But I've only travelled around Bulgaria."
 The rest of the day was great fun. We talked, we laughed a lot and did silly things. I guess..Justin and I were friends and the feeling was awesome. And we also came to the desicion tonight we should all have dinner together: my family, his Mom, Scooter and Kenny. I was really looking forward to it, knowing that it would be one of my best evenings ever.
 The best part of all, though, was meeting Justin. I really felt blessed. And Justin was really nice and we had great times, considering we knew each other just for a day then. I turned out to be right he was amazing and that we could be great friends.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Chapter 6: Can't hide from him @ 3:10 PM

 It's been a week. After that kiss in Sports class I ran away without saying anything. Mat and I still sat together in classes but whenever he tried to talk to me about what had happened I was ignoring him and as soon as breaks started I was out of the classroom.
 I was scared about what he could say to me. I mean, I never liked Mat for being a player and trying to rip every girls' tongue off and then him talking about loving me would have freaked me out. But hey, he might have wanted to apologize. I didn't know but something deep inside of me was trying to keep him away from me.
 Anyway, it was a sunny Friday and I loved sunny Fridays because on Fridays I have an easy school schedule and it's the last school day of the week. Being sunny just made Fridays even better. I really gotta stop saying Fridays right now, it's annoying you.
 I called Nadie and we got a taxi to school as usual. Yeah, I forgot to tell you... since all that Mat drama I was getting a taxi every day to school because I knew he would be catching the bus. And Nadie and I shared the cost, plus I had someone I can talk to.
 It seemed to be a typical day. My hair wasn't in place, I was wearing jeans and a T-shrit, and a little makeup, and my thoughts wouldn't let me be in peace.
 If I tried to stop thinking about Mat, Justin started bothering me. I haven't been given any sign of him watching my video and I was really upset about that. It was scratching my mind, my heart, my mouth, my nose...everything.
 "Hey, you don't seem ok lately and I'm worried. How can I help you to recover from the drama?", Nadie interrupted my thoughts.
 "Oh, um...I don't know. It's just weird having Mat so concerned."
 "Yeah, I guess. But you gotta stop thinking about that, you gotta talk to him."
 "Whenever I stop thinking, Justin comes up. Plus you can't imagine what it's like when they both start to scartch my mind. It's like it's going to explode. And talk to Mat? I'm afraid."
 I was blessed to have a friend such as Nadie. I could tell her everything in the way I saw it and she won't tell me I'm silly or anything. Well...not as that I'm really silly or stupid.
 "Silly you! You shouldn't be afraid. He likes you and it's obvious. Why are you running away from the truth?"
 "Ah, I wish I knew. I guess, it's just bothering me that he have always been a player, snogging around with every girl..."
 "Yes, but everyone sees the change in him. Well, everyone but you. And you're....", she said but I finished the sentence.
 "the one Mat wants to see it."
 "Exactly, so give him a chance.", she had that sad look as if I didn't give him a chance he would die.
 "I'll think about it.", I said and the rest of the ride there was silence.
 The day moved on to be as usual as always. When I saw Mat coming in the classroom, I went out. And when the first period started he wrote me like tons of notes and I replied none of them. And as soon as the "end of period" bell rang I rushed out.
 Second period, second break, third period and so on. It all went the same.
 When the last, for the day, bell rang I got up but Mat cought my hand. I turned and looked at him. He had that tired and sad look on. After 2 or 3 seconds holing my hand and watching me in the eyes he broke the eye contact and let me go. I can bet he was thinking something like "Aaah, maybe I should give up. She'll never talk to me."
 I got really upset about watching him sad like that. I didn't go home after school and went to my hiding place. I haven't been there for weeks and it was the only place where I could just think and relax.
 I've spent an hour or more there when my phone rang. It was my Mom. I thought "Shit, I forgot to call her."
 "Yup?", I said answering the phone.
 "Where are you? Haven't you finished school already?", wow she sounded worried.
 "I finished school. I'm just at Nadies', okay? I'll come home later."
 "But you sound sad. Is something bothering you?"
 "No, Mom. Everything's fine. Love ya, bye.", I said and hung up without even waiting for her to say bye.
 I really was sad and nothing was fine but I didn't wanna bother her with my problems. I knew she had enough on her own.
 "Oh, how I wish I had candy right now. It's the only thing that can help me.", I was thinking 5 minutes after talking to my mother. You know, candy had always been a friend of mine.
 Just then I heard someone coming closer and closer. To be honest, I felt dead scared! But my head was burried in my knees and I didn't really care if I was going to die. But I guess I wasn't because someone sat next to me and hugged me. I wanted to ask "Who is this?" but I couldn't.
 "We...we have to talk.", he said and I knew it was Mat.
 As he said that I burst out crying and hugged him back so tight that I doubt he could breathe but he just hugged me tighter. I felt good and bad at the same time.
 "Don't cry. Please don't, there's nothing worth crying about. Nothing that deserves the tears of a beautiful girl."
 I wanted to say "But there's someone" but I couldn't. My heart was aching, my mind was about to explode, I couldn't breathe when Mat tried to make me face him without any success
 "Listen. I have to apologize.", just them my heart sank. "I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I haven't thought that it would freak you out like this then and I should have. I'm sorry, it's just some feelings are stronger, I guess."
 Now I was looking him in the eyes.
 "I can't help myself. I don't know why and how but I've always liked you and you were always rejecting me, you never liked me. And when we.. when we kissed in front of Mandy. When you agreed on helping me get rid of her. When I was holding you in my hands I realised that's what I've always wanted. I realised I loved you...and I just couldn't help myself from kissing you again in Sports class. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have but it's stronger than me."
 Wow. All that time he had had such feelings for me and I had been such a fool. I couldn't say anything.
 "Are you gonna just look me in the eyes? It's scratching me on the inside. I need to know if there's a chance...for us. You gotta tell me."
 "Scartching me on the inside", I thought. "That's exactly what I use to describe my emotions. And yes, there's a chance..the biggest chance you could imagine."
 But instead of saying this out loud I just smiled at him and I could see his face lightening up with a smile wider than mine.
 "Or we just can do this", he said, leaned in and kissed me.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Chapter 5: As if I don't have enough things on my mind @ 4:49 PM

 After my "hiding place experience", a week went by without anything strange happening. Well, except for the fact that Mat has entirely changed. He was really nice to me and the biggest surprise of all was that he stopped snogging around with whoever wants to make out with him.
 That change in Mat was bothering me, though. It was just weird to see him act like this. And I've also got other things on my mind...like school and а Mom. She promised to buy me an iPhone but as she was often lying to me how was I supposed to believe her? Plus it was 2 weeks before June and the big exams would just star coming as soon as June started! What to solve first?
 Oh, I forgot to share with you the biggest thing scratching me on the inside! That was Justin. My letter with the CD had to be delivered already, but I had no sign whether it had happened or not. It was driving me insane not knowing anything and every day I would spend hours wondering about that.
 Another week rolled by and it was Tuesday. Great! I had two periods of Math on Tuesdays and I was good at Math, so I always had fun in those classes.
 Erh, question: Why didn't anybody tell me what a day I would have to relieve? If I'd been told I wouldn't have woken up! As soon as I got up from my bed and went to the bathroom, so I could brush my teeth, I hit my head in the bathroom door. I hit it so hard I can swear I saw stars falling from the sky! Maybe I'm overreacting it but it still hurt like hell.
 The next strange thing that "hit" me was my hair. It was perfectly in place, just as I've always dreamed of it to be. Well, that wasn't a bad thing, just surprinsing..
 I got dressed..one of my favourite blue T-shirts with a cute dolphin on it and black jeans. Then I went to the living room and turned on the TV. Guess what happened? "Baby" was on The Voice. I got so happy I started dancing and singing, and woke up the family.
 That wasn't a bad start of the day, except that my head was still hurting when I left for school. Well, not bad at first.
 I went out of the apartment and saw the bus. "What the HECK? It's only 6:40am, it's supposed to leave the bus station at 6:40 and be here 5 minutes later!" But I didn't have time to ask myself more questions, I rushed out and started running. Luckily, I was living near the bus stop, so I managed to catch the bus.
 "Well, running in the morning..not bad.", I told myself as I was trying to find a seat.
 I looked around and saw a guy who seemed familiar. I went closer and it was Mat. "What the HECK?...again.", it seemed that would be on replay on my mind the whole day.
 I tried to hide myself as I didn't want to sit next to him. Since he has been so nice to me, I felt he wanted something. I mean, I'd known Mat for years and he was such a player. "There must be something he wants from me.", but as my mind was talking to me Mat spotted me and smiled. I had no other choice but to go and sit next to him.
 "Heeey. How are you?", he said all sweet and loving, and kind...and I got confused.
 "I'm good, actually not so good..I hit my head in the bathroom door this morning. It still hurts." I let out a small laugh as I said that.
 "And the strange things just keep on happening!", I told myself as Mat leaned and kissed my forehead. Oh and of course my first thought was "What the HECK?" I guess I was right earlier about this thought spying on me.
 "It's gonna be good. How did you sleep last night anyway? Any sweet dreams worth coming true?", Mat said with a smile.
 "Any sweet dreams worth happening true? What the f*** Mat? What's gotten into you?", my mind was going crazy about all this Mat drama. I didn't know what to think anymore, I didn't know what the change in him was about. Anyway I answered his question.
 "I slept good, amazing but I didn't dream of anything. Why? Did you?"
 His smile disappeared in the exact same moment I asked him! He turned his head, trying not to look in my eyes. And looking out of the window he said: "Uhhrm, yes."
 "Oh, really? What did you dream about?"
 "Can I keep it a secret?", I got him. He was feeling uncomfortable.
 "Come on and I'll tell you about how I dreamed of a dolphin kidnapping me when I was little."
 That was a little lie..but just a little one. I wanted to know his dream so badly that I was prepared to make up some crazy dream. But Mat wasn't easy to break.
 "Hm, no. I better keep it to myself."
 "But you said it was a good one, right?"
 "Yeah, so what?", he seemed confused.
 "Well if it was good, you probably would want it to happen. Am I right?"
 He was still confused but said "Yes, I guess I want."
 "Well, then you gotta tell it to someone before noon and it will become true. Come on, tell me."
 "What? Why? You just made that up."
 "No, I didn't. It's an old myth actually. My grandma told me when I was 5 and I dreamed I had a pony."
 "Yeah, and did you get a pony?", he was trying to sound calm and cool, but I could still hear the unconfidence in his voice.
 "No, but I got the chance to see one.", saying that I forced my biggest smile ever.
 "Right...there's no way I'm telling you my dream. So, go ahead and tease me." he laughed and wrapped his arms around me.
 During the rest of the ride to school we said nothing to each other. He was holding me in his hands and I didn't fight against it. I was ok with it. Actually it felt really good hugging him. That was, at least, the opinion of my heart.
 My mind, on the other hand, was going nuts about it. I kept telling to myself "What are you doing? Pull away of that stupid hug.. No, it feels good. Yes, it does but you gotta stop! Are you falling for Mat? No waay!"
 My heart and mind were fighting. And when we arrived in front of the school my mind won the battle and I pulled away really quick and rushed out of the bus. Mat followed me and started asking questions.
 "Hey, what happened? Did I do something wrong?"
 He was confused. Really confused! And I just kept walking not saying anything, even not looking at him, like he never said anything and like he wasn't there running after me.
 "Inaa! Stop, please. Tell me what's wrong?", he grabbed my hand and turned me to face him.
 I could see the sadness in his eyes. Those gorgeous blue eyes were looking at me as if they were saying "We won't be able to move on if you don't give us an explanation." I couldn't do that to Mat, I couldn't be so cold-hearted.
 "It's nothing.", I said and tried to start walking again but failed because Mat had a tight grip. Well, of course. He was a boy.
 "No, there's something. I can see it, tell me."
 "There's nothing, okay? Let's go in, it's cold out here."
 It's cold out here? What the...? It was May! Mat, of course, didn't fell for that but he said nothing more and just walked in the school with me.
 We got to the 3rd floor to our classroom and started discussing the homework.
 Now feels like the right moment to explain something. Here, in Bulgaria, we are five groups 9th graders: 9 a, 9 b, 9 c, 9 d and 9 e. We have our classrooms and we have all the classes there, except for Sports and music. And Mat and I.. we are in 9 a grade. Also in the classroom the desks are for two, so we're sitting in pairs. I'm, of course, sitting with Nadie. And every group has a teacher who is responsible for them, we call him/her the headteacher. My headteacher is my English teacher, and his name's Mr Brown.
 The period I had English. I loved those classes! In 8th grade I've managed to learn all the grammar and go to the National Olympiad in English. Mr Brown was really proud of me and that made me really happy.
 When Mr B walked in the room I was talking to Nadie. She was telling me about the boys that have signed up for the hip-hop classes. But our talk was interrupted because the theacher said:
 "Now, listen class. You're gonna be sitting as I tell you to." the whole class started complaining but he cut us off "Silence, changed are good."
 I loved sitting with Nadie. She was my best friend and we always helped each other at tests. I could count on her...and not only for school. I could count on her for everything. And until the teacher called her name I was hoping that he would leave us two like this. Well, I was wrong... Nadie had to sit with Kate. To tell you the truth, I liked Kate. She was sweet and kind to everyone. She was also a little crazy like me and Nadie.
 I felt a piece of happiness running through my heart because of Kate and Nadie sitting together and another piece when Mandy was told to sit next to Brandon. He was a shy guy but he was also sweet just like Kate. But for Mandy, he was probably a nightmare.
 Then my cup of pieces was suddenly empty. When Mr Brown said "Ina and..let's see. Yeah, Ina and Mat, you'll be sitting together..3rd desk in the middle." my heart sank.
 "Why Mat? What is this? The congress of confusion?" but Mat sat next to me and smiled, so I had to smile back and stop thinking. The class was over and Nadie and I "reunited".
 "Hey, where are you going?" Mat asked when I stood up from my chair.
 "The cafeteria with Nadie. Do you want something?"
 "No, thanks."
 We had a 20-minute break after first periods, so we could go and have something for breakfast because starting school at 7:30am was early and most students often didn't have time to eat at home...just like me.
 I went to the cafeteria with Nadie and Kate. We talked and laughed. Kate was cool and I was happy she was with us. You know, it was always Nadie and I everywhere, it was great to have a third person around. Maybe we were going to be a trio...three best friends. Who knew?
 We didn't buy anything for breakfast but we bought a lot of candy and cokes. We then walked around the school and went upstairs to our classroom. It was empty except for two people.
 Mandy was sitting on my desk flirting with Mat. Well, I didn't know for sure but Susan broke up with Mat because he was making out with Mandy. So what else could have they been doing? What I didn't know was that another surprise was waiting for me. As I walked in with Nadie and Kate, Mandy turned around and said:
 "Well, well, we were just talking about you." and smiled at me.
 I hate her! What was wrong with her? Why was she talking to me?
 "What?" I said with anger and hate in my voice.
 "Mat here just rejected me."
 "So? What it has to do with me?"
 "He didn't wanna make out with me."
 "I still don't get it.. why do I have to care, especially if it's about you?", this was confusing, really confusing.
 "He told me you two were going out and he won't cheat. That was his reason, is it true?"
 My mouth dropped open but Mandy didn't see it because she turned to face Mat. I was ready to shout when he made a puppy-dog face which he made only when he needed me to do something for him. I knew he wanted me to help him. But still..why the f*** did he have to tell her such a thing?
 "Yeah, it's true." I forced an evil smile.
 Nadie looked at me like I was some crazed dude getting high in school. And Kate was smiling as if this was the moment she was waiting for her entire life. Like we were in some telenovela and the lead actors have to be in love but someone has always been on their way..well, you know what I mean.
 "Right, prove it then.", Mandy said and laughed.
 Gash, she was laughing like Cruela. I hated her. And how to prove it? I had a suggestion..I could throw her out of the window, would that have proved it?
 "And how are we supposed to prove it?", I asked feeling confident because I thought there wasn't a way we could possibly prove such thing.
 "Kiss, of course.", she said with another smile.
 "Whha..?", I tried to protest but Mat quickly stood up, got me by the waist and kissed me.
 His lips on mine. It felt so good. It felt like...paradise. And when he used his tongue it was magical. I've never been kissed like this before. Kissing Mat was completely different from my past experience. It felt that he was leading me, as if he was trying to make it clear he was the guy in the relationship.
 When we pulled away Mandy was gone, Nadie's mouth was dropped open and Kate was so unbelievably happy.
 "Are you two really going out together?", she asked in excitement.
 "Of course not, Kate. What was that all about..Mat?", Nadie asked obviously confused and angry at him.
 He didn't pay her any attention and turned to me.
 "I'm sorry I just wanted to get rid of her and I told her we were going out. And...I'm sorry."
 "It's ok. We'll just forget about that, okay?", I said with a smile on my face.
 Then all our classmates came, my Math teacher, Mrs Anderson came too and the class started. During it Mat wrote me a note *About what you said..we kind of can't forget about it. Mandy is 100% gonna tell everybody. We have to pretend?* Ah, right, no way! What was he thinking? That I'm gonna be his girlfriend from now on because some bitch thought I was? But I wrote *We can play it like we break up soon and all will be as it was, right?* I looked at him when I handed him the note. His face went from happy to sad when he read what I'd written but anyways he wrote *Yeah, okay. Whatever you say:)*
 The day was almost over, just one more period - Sports. I went to the gym with Mat. He had forgotten his shorts and T-shirt for the class, so he asked the teacher to give him some. After changing in the ladies lockers, I went outside at the volleyball court. And just when I was talking to Kate about something, Mat came out from the boys changing rooms and I cracked up laughing. He was looking really funny.
 "What are you laughing at, lady?", he said when he came up to me.
 "Hmm...let's see. Some boy looking like a clown in funny shorts."
 "Yeah, right. Thank you very much.", he laughed.
 "Sorry, I just can't help myself."
 Then we separated in two teams and started playing volleyball. I was in a team with Mat, the game was rough. But in the end, our team won. I was so happy I started running to Mat. I was going to give him a hug as a present for the winning but instead of just a hug it turned into a kiss.
 When I reached him, Mat grabbed me by the waist, picked me up from the ground and kissed me. It was so passionate. I felt like I was flying and then I reached the clouds of happiness. I've never felt better in my whole life.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Chapter 4: My so important thing @ 6:10 PM

 I woke up at around 10a.m. and the sun was shining. I got up from my bed and played "Brighter" by Paramore on my computer. Full volume. I was so happy, everything was brighter.
 I don't remember to have ever been happier. While brushing my teeth and fixing my hair, I sang and danced. It took me an hour to get ready and make sure everything was perfect. Saying perfect I don't mean "My hair was totally in place, I was looking like a princess, etc.". Saying perfect I mean "My hair was a little messy as usual and I wore just a little blue makeup. I was wearing my favourite clothes. I was perfectly myself".
 I put Elly's camera on a chair and sat on the floor in my bedroom. In the next moment I was recording a video.
 Here's the time to let you know what I had on my mind. When Mousie said all those things about the hip-hop class it occurred to me "But of course! I'm gonna make a video. I'll say what Justin means to me and why. Then I'll send it to him, he'll smile...I hope. I would be happy for eternity for telling him everything I want." That made me storm out of the cafe so quick the day before.
 My video turned out to be 15 minutes long. And it took me 15 minutes to record it. What I want to say is that I didn't stop it and then start again if I didn't like something. I wanted to just be myself. And myself makes stupid mistakes sometimes but who doesn't?
 I burnt it to a CD then, wrote a letter to Justin. I used one of these blue sheets I had.
 To be honest, to write the letter turned out to be a lot harder than recording the video. It took me 30 minutes. When I finally was ready with everything I rushed out to the post office. All the way there I ran so fast as I was running for my life. There I put it in an envelope and while giving it to a postoffice lady I whispered "Please, go to Bieber's hands. Please."
 10 minutes later I was sitting under a tree in the town's park eating candy. I had this hidden place I had found when I was 5 years old and whenever I wanted to be alone I just went there. It felt like woods and the air was fresher. It was my perfect place for relaxation. I ate 2 bags of candy..but you should all understand me. I felt my emotions mixing in my stomach, I felt a little scared and sad, and amazing at the same time.
 I was so happy I had sent that important letter and CD to Justin. But I was scared if he would actually see my video. "What if someone else gets it? Or what if he doesn't wanna see it and just throw it away?" Those thoughts made me a little sad, too.
 Then someone covered my eyes. Now I was terrified. "Who the hell knows this place?" was the first thing to occur to me.Then a familiar voice said "Guess who". It was Mat, I recognized it immediately.
 -"Mat, come on. Do you have to be such a child?", I said as if I wasn't impressed.
 But I was. How in the world Mat knew about my hiding place?
 -"Haha, you know me too well. What are you doing here?", he said while uncovering my eyes.
 -"Shouldn't I be asking this question?" this came out as if I was mad at him.
 -"Heey hey, you won't punch me, will you? I went to your place but your Mom told me you had stormed off hours ago. So I came here."
 -"But how you knew about this place? I mean I told nobody."
 -"Am I nobody? You told me weeks ago, remember? Our families were having dinner together. I told you I had seen you in this area and asked you what had you been doing around here. But you didn't wanna talk to me then, so you just said something about an old tree and hiding. I used to come here a lot when I was little, so it wasn't hard for me to guess where you were."
 Okay, wow! I had told Mat and I even didn't remember that. Mat! Why Mat? He was one of the people I couldn't stand. Duh, such a player and always snogging around with sluts.
 -"Okay. Why are you here?"
 This question also sounded as I was mad at him. But this time I really was mad at him, though I was more mad at myself. How could I mention this to Mat? How?
 -"Don't be mad at me. I was worried, stormed off of your apartment hours ago, no sign of you anywhere. And that thing you was so happy about yesterday. I don't know, I decided I should find you.", he wasn't smiling anymore. He was serious.
 -"Well...you found me. What now?" I wasn't sure but something about him made me feel better. He was concerned about me so I decided to pay a little attention to him.
 -"Would you mind telling me about the big thing?"
 I quickly filled him in. And he listened..how strange. I mean, of all people Mat was there with me being nice and everything. This wasn't a typical scene in my life.
 When I finished explaining he simply smiled and said:
 -"Wow, that's called an idea. But you don't seem happy about it, why?"
 -"What if he doesn't get it? What if he never sees the video? And what if he sees it but doesn't show any signs of watching it. I mean, how I'll know then?" my eyes were filling with tears as I was saying that.
 What was happening to me? I was crying in front of Mat for such a thing? And in front of Mat?? Really? I thought he would just laugh and offer me to make out. I mean, I would totally have been him! But instead of being a jerk he held my hands. Mat held my hands!
 -"Don't worry, he'll see it and then send you an e-mail or DM you in twitter."
 He was looking me right in the eyes. I felt a little uncomfortable so I broke the eye contact but he said:
 -"Hey, look up." when I looked up he just continued "Don't bother feeling bad about this, okay? I promise it all will be fine."
 Then the strangest thing happened. I hugged him and started crying. I was crying in Mat's arms. And again, he just hugged me back which was totally not the Mat I knew.
 I spent the aftertoon under the tree, Mat hugging me. I cried for a while but then stopped and we were just silent. It wasn't uncomfortable, though. It seemed like we both enjoyed the silence but Mat broke it.
 -"Um, I'm sorry but I should be home. I mean, right after school I came to look for you. My Mom will be worried."
 -"Oh..okay. Yeah, right. I'd better go, too." I was a little disapointed because I wanted to stay a little longer there with him.
 -"You'll be fine, right?" he touched my face to make me face him.
 "Those beautiful eyes. How come I haven't noticed them before? No, no.. it's Mat! He's a total player. Come on.." I was totally lost in my thoughts when I heard Mat talking to me.
 -"Heey. Promise me you will be fine!"
 -"Ah, yeah. Of course." That was one little lie.
 He said nothing. He just stood there looking at me. And then after 3 or 4 minutes he just said "Okay, bye.", kissed me on the cheek and left, not even letting me say bye to him.
 I just went home and talked with my Mom. She was my mother and I wasn't sharing almost anything with her. But I decided I really should, so I told her everything. Then we had diner at around 8p.m. and I went to bed early again. I didn't have school that day but it was hell tiring.
 Thought I was so tired, my mind wouldn't shut up about my letter and Mat.
 I kept thinking "Mat might happen to be my best friend. He seems to understand my feelings. Oh god, what about Justin? Will he see my video? I hope so." But soon after hitting the pillow I started dreaming.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Chapter 3: Cutting classes @ 4:01 PM

 It was a month since I started searching for acting auditions on the Internet. I've looked everywhere and singed up for a bunch of sites. Every day I couldn't wait to get home and start searching again, although it was really tiring. I wanted to succeed and I was going to. It just wasn't easy.
 It was Thursday and the class was supposed to have 2 periods of Biology because our English teacher was away, so instead of English-Biology.  We didn't wanna stay for those 2 periods, it would all be just boring and we won't study anything in particular. We knew it from past experiences. So we all just cut the last 2 periods and I went with Mousie to a cafe. We ordered pizzas and cokes and started gossiping.
 -"Have you heard about Susan and Mat?", she asked.
 -"No, what about them? Had sex? She's pregnant?" as I said that Mousie burst out laughing.
 -"Haha, it would be fun, but no. In fact, they had broken up. I heard she had caught him kissing another girl."
 -"I was sure it was gonna turn out that way. I've known Mat for years! He's a player."
 In that moment Mat walked in the cafe and as he came to us.
 -"Ladies, what's up?", he asked looking at me playfully.
 -"Don't lady me. We were talking about you. Who did you kiss for Susan to break up with you, smart ass?"
 -"Someone's angry. I kissed Mandy. So what?"
  The waitress came along and Mat ordered a pizza, too. I remained silent for a second. Mandy was that whore every school has. I really couldn't stand her. But my thoughts were intereputed by Mousie.
 -"Mat, you know I'm in charge for the new hip-hop class, right?"
 -"Yeah, and?", he said that while getting a bite from his pizza.
 -"I saw your video.. You're really good and I put you in the list. So, you better get preparing yourself."
 -"Okay, but....", I didn't even let him finish his sentence.
 -"What video? What hip-hop classes? Anyone wanna fill me in?"
 -"I told you about that last week. The new hip-hop classes for boys. My Dad is the head and he wanted me to watch the videos boys send us and if they are good to write them down on the list for the class."
 -"So, whoever wants to be in that class has to make a video and send it to you? And you'll watch all the videos?"
 -"Yes. What's so strange about that? You sound like it's a big deal..", she was confused and so was I, but I got the best idea ever.
 -"I'll tell you later. Bye."
 I just put some money on the table. Kissed Mousie and Mat on the cheek, and I could see Mat's face turning red but I couldn't bother explaining myself. I just rushed out of the cafe and headed home.
 On the way I couldn't stop thinking "I need a camera. I need a camera. It would totally work. Just to find a camera..." and then it occured to me that my friend Elly had a camera. I went to her place and rang the doorbell. I didn't stop ringing it till she opened the door. She was in her PJs and I could totally tell she was asleep, so I started apologizing.
 -"I'm so so sorry to wake you up. But I wouldn't if it wasn't really important to me. Please, please don't be mad at me...", I couldn't catch my breath as I was trying to say how sorry I was.
 -"Nah, it's nothing. Just breathe, okay? Tell me, what's up?"
 -"I need your camera. I got the best idea ever but I need a camera. It would be amazing if you give yours. I'll return it in 2 days, I promise."
 -"Okay, just breathe, please."
 As she said that I hugged her so tight, now that she couldn't breathe, too. It was just all gonna work out and I was sure of it. When Elly gave me the camera I just ran all the way home and started preparing everything.
 The thing I was about to do had to be perfect. I got out my favourite jeans and my favourite blue-top with a cupcake on it. I cleaned my room. Then my Mom got home and I went to meet her at the door. I hugged her, kissed her on the cheek and I could tell she was surprised.
 -"What was that for?", she asked.
 -"Nothing. I'm just happy!", but I still could see the confusion in her eyes.
 -"What's with the smell? Have you been cleaning?"
 -"Yes, I cleaned my room. Plus I'm gonna do my homework now."
 -"Is there anything you need me to do or buy you?"
 There wasn't anything I wanted..at first. But when she asked I thought that if I wanted to make that special planned for tomorrow thing perfect, I had to skip school, so I decided to just ask.
 -"Um, actually as you're asking there is something little. It's not little, but.."
 -"Just say it.." and she smiled while saying it, so it made me calm.
 -"I need to skip school tomorrow. I've planned a thing that could turn out to be the most important in my life, so please write a note to my teacher?"
 -"Okay, hun. But go do your homework. That you're not going to school tomorrow isn't a matter for you not to do your homework."
 I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling and Mom decided not to ask anymore questions. She seemed happy about the change in me. After I did my homework I went shopping for food with my mother. We bought a lot of things and when we returned back home I insisted on cooking.
 I never did that. I mean, cooking? It so wasn't the thing for me, though I was good at it.
 That evening Mat and his family came over for dinner. Our mothers were friends, so I had to accept him as a friend, kind of. I didn't use to talk to Mat when our families got together, but this time we were joking and laughing. I enjoyed it and he was surprised. When he and his parents were about to leave he asked me.
 -"So, it's a shame you won't be at school tomorrow. At least, tell me what's that big thing?", he said that with that playful look of his.
 Everyone was watching me. His father and mother, my mother and grandmother. It was just got to be one of those awkward moments but it wasn't.
 -"I won't tell you.", I kissed him on the cheek after saying it.
 He turned red and when he left with his family, I went to my room. I listened to some music and went to bed early.
 After all,I got to rest before the big day, right?

Chapter 2: What do I fight for first? @ 12:49 PM

 It was Monday and I woke up at 6 a.m. As I was brushing my teeth I was thinking "Stupid school! Why do I even have to go there?" You know, reader, on the other hand I loved going to school because I've found some great friends there.
 Just to fill you in, I'm in 9th grade. The previous year was magical, we had just 6 classes and now they were like 15. Anyway, with the time passing by I got used to my new school and new classmates. There were some I couldn't stand but if it wasn't for the new school I wouldn't have found my new best friend in the entire universe, Manie. But I called her Mousie (cutter from Mouse).
 I got ready and went to school. Everyday was perfectly the same. I would go, have fun during breaks, be bored during periods and then go home, study and spend my free time chatting with friends. I was so wrong! I had no clue the day would turn out to be one of the most important days in my life. A turning point for my future!
 School ended, I went home and immediately went to check my e-mail as if I knew something important was waiting for me there. I saw a letter from twitter.com and remembered I had an account there. "Hm, why don't I use it? It may be fun..." so I logged in and a wave of Justin Bieber's fans blew me away. "What's so special about this guy anyway? I've heard about a lot of singers..haha" But I was so completely wrong thinking this way. And when I played "Baby" my whole world turned upside down. His music made me smile, something no one and nothing have succeeded to do for a very long time. The fact, though, that he got famous thanks to youtube was amazing and impressive.
 All that Bieber stuff got me thinking about acting. I've acted since I was 4 years old and I wanted to become an actress so badly. Apart from that I had other problems, too. School, boys and a mother.
 "Oh God, why did I wanted to study Spanish? It's soooo hard! Duh, can anyone help me? PLEASE?" That was my opinion of the language. And all those things I had to remember for my other 14 classes..so not cool!
 And as I didn't have any other things on my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about boys. I've never had a decent boyfriend. The last one was a year younger and he was a mess. Oh, and he lived 60 kilometers away from me.. We were together for about 2 months. I'm not even sure how we made it for that long.
 The most interesting of all were the fights with my mother. I felt like she adopted me and didn't want me to know it. We were so much NOT alike! To prove it I'll tell you about that same day I found my biggest inspiration, Bieber.
 As I was listening to "Stuck In The Moment", which turned out to be my favourite song of his, my mother got back home. I would usually go to see her but this time I didn't. She came in my room and said:
 -"Turn that music down. What do you want? To blow my ears off?"
 -"Yeah, maybe..Thanks for the idea.", I wasn't in the mood for arguments but she went on.
 -"Don't talk to me like that. Get up and do your homework"
 -"I already did", I lied and I didn't feel guilty. I just wanted to lay on my bed for the rest of the day and listen to Justin's music.
 Luckily, Mom just left my room. She didn't even ask if I was hungry, how my day was or if I needed to talk to someone. And to be honest, it was all the same to me wether somebody cared about my day and my hunger. I was in a real need to have an adult to share my problems with, though. But it was my Mom after all. She didn't care about what was bothering me or like I said in my mind:
 -"She doesn't give a shit about the thing torturing me these days".
 That day I did almost nothing except for when I ate a sandwich. My fight was just starting and I wasn't even sure what I would fight for first but I was totally going to get where I was heading for.