I woke up at around 10a.m. and the sun was shining. I got up from my bed and played "Brighter" by Paramore on my computer. Full volume. I was so happy, everything was brighter.
I don't remember to have ever been happier. While brushing my teeth and fixing my hair, I sang and danced. It took me an hour to get ready and make sure everything was perfect. Saying perfect I don't mean "My hair was totally in place, I was looking like a princess, etc.". Saying perfect I mean "My hair was a little messy as usual and I wore just a little blue makeup. I was wearing my favourite clothes. I was perfectly myself".
I put Elly's camera on a chair and sat on the floor in my bedroom. In the next moment I was recording a video.
Here's the time to let you know what I had on my mind. When Mousie said all those things about the hip-hop class it occurred to me "But of course! I'm gonna make a video. I'll say what Justin means to me and why. Then I'll send it to him, he'll smile...I hope. I would be happy for eternity for telling him everything I want." That made me storm out of the cafe so quick the day before.
My video turned out to be 15 minutes long. And it took me 15 minutes to record it. What I want to say is that I didn't stop it and then start again if I didn't like something. I wanted to just be myself. And myself makes stupid mistakes sometimes but who doesn't?
I burnt it to a CD then, wrote a letter to Justin. I used one of these blue sheets I had.
To be honest, to write the letter turned out to be a lot harder than recording the video. It took me 30 minutes. When I finally was ready with everything I rushed out to the post office. All the way there I ran so fast as I was running for my life. There I put it in an envelope and while giving it to a postoffice lady I whispered "Please, go to Bieber's hands. Please."
10 minutes later I was sitting under a tree in the town's park eating candy. I had this hidden place I had found when I was 5 years old and whenever I wanted to be alone I just went there. It felt like woods and the air was fresher. It was my perfect place for relaxation. I ate 2 bags of candy..but you should all understand me. I felt my emotions mixing in my stomach, I felt a little scared and sad, and amazing at the same time.
I was so happy I had sent that important letter and CD to Justin. But I was scared if he would actually see my video. "What if someone else gets it? Or what if he doesn't wanna see it and just throw it away?" Those thoughts made me a little sad, too.
Then someone covered my eyes. Now I was terrified. "Who the hell knows this place?" was the first thing to occur to me.Then a familiar voice said "Guess who". It was Mat, I recognized it immediately.
-"Mat, come on. Do you have to be such a child?", I said as if I wasn't impressed.
But I was. How in the world Mat knew about my hiding place?
-"Haha, you know me too well. What are you doing here?", he said while uncovering my eyes.
-"Shouldn't I be asking this question?" this came out as if I was mad at him.
-"Heey hey, you won't punch me, will you? I went to your place but your Mom told me you had stormed off hours ago. So I came here."
-"But how you knew about this place? I mean I told nobody."
-"Am I nobody? You told me weeks ago, remember? Our families were having dinner together. I told you I had seen you in this area and asked you what had you been doing around here. But you didn't wanna talk to me then, so you just said something about an old tree and hiding. I used to come here a lot when I was little, so it wasn't hard for me to guess where you were."
Okay, wow! I had told Mat and I even didn't remember that. Mat! Why Mat? He was one of the people I couldn't stand. Duh, such a player and always snogging around with sluts.
-"Okay. Why are you here?"
This question also sounded as I was mad at him. But this time I really was mad at him, though I was more mad at myself. How could I mention this to Mat? How?
-"Don't be mad at me. I was worried, stormed off of your apartment hours ago, no sign of you anywhere. And that thing you was so happy about yesterday. I don't know, I decided I should find you.", he wasn't smiling anymore. He was serious.
-"Well...you found me. What now?" I wasn't sure but something about him made me feel better. He was concerned about me so I decided to pay a little attention to him.
-"Would you mind telling me about the big thing?"
I quickly filled him in. And he listened..how strange. I mean, of all people Mat was there with me being nice and everything. This wasn't a typical scene in my life.
When I finished explaining he simply smiled and said:
-"Wow, that's called an idea. But you don't seem happy about it, why?"
-"What if he doesn't get it? What if he never sees the video? And what if he sees it but doesn't show any signs of watching it. I mean, how I'll know then?" my eyes were filling with tears as I was saying that.
What was happening to me? I was crying in front of Mat for such a thing? And in front of Mat?? Really? I thought he would just laugh and offer me to make out. I mean, I would totally have been him! But instead of being a jerk he held my hands. Mat held my hands!
-"Don't worry, he'll see it and then send you an e-mail or DM you in twitter."
He was looking me right in the eyes. I felt a little uncomfortable so I broke the eye contact but he said:
-"Hey, look up." when I looked up he just continued "Don't bother feeling bad about this, okay? I promise it all will be fine."
Then the strangest thing happened. I hugged him and started crying. I was crying in Mat's arms. And again, he just hugged me back which was totally not the Mat I knew.
I spent the aftertoon under the tree, Mat hugging me. I cried for a while but then stopped and we were just silent. It wasn't uncomfortable, though. It seemed like we both enjoyed the silence but Mat broke it.
-"Um, I'm sorry but I should be home. I mean, right after school I came to look for you. My Mom will be worried."
-"Oh..okay. Yeah, right. I'd better go, too." I was a little disapointed because I wanted to stay a little longer there with him.
-"You'll be fine, right?" he touched my face to make me face him.
"Those beautiful eyes. How come I haven't noticed them before? No, no.. it's Mat! He's a total player. Come on.." I was totally lost in my thoughts when I heard Mat talking to me.
-"Heey. Promise me you will be fine!"
-"Ah, yeah. Of course." That was one little lie.
He said nothing. He just stood there looking at me. And then after 3 or 4 minutes he just said "Okay, bye.", kissed me on the cheek and left, not even letting me say bye to him.
I just went home and talked with my Mom. She was my mother and I wasn't sharing almost anything with her. But I decided I really should, so I told her everything. Then we had diner at around 8p.m. and I went to bed early again. I didn't have school that day but it was hell tiring.
Thought I was so tired, my mind wouldn't shut up about my letter and Mat.
I kept thinking "Mat might happen to be my best friend. He seems to understand my feelings. Oh god, what about Justin? Will he see my video? I hope so." But soon after hitting the pillow I started dreaming.
iPod Touch
Guitar
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Chapter 4: My so important thing @ 6:10 PM 
